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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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My ex broke up with me 3 months ago... I have been telling

Customer Question

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago... I have been telling him on and off that I really miss him during this period.


I just came back from a trip recently. He knows about it. When I came back, I texted him that I miss a lot during the trip and I hope that I still come up, in his mind and heart. He did not reply.


I would be meeting him for the first time on Wednesday since we broke up. I asked him out 3 weeks ago, saying that it would be just to catch up and see how he is. I did tell him up front I do not want to be just friends with him. He agreed to meet to meet up but he says he does not want to give me false hope. 


But I do hope that we could get back together.


I am scared on what my chances are.


Did I ruin it with my constant contact ?

Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

 

You may not like this answer, but I feel I have to be honest with you. If he has been gone for three months, and hasn't shown any interest in getting back together with you, he's telling you loud and clear that it is over. You telling him you miss him will not make him miss you...and your constant contact did not even give him a chance to miss you, as you never really went away.

 

You are just asking for heartbreak to meet with him and "catch up." People don't "catch up" with recent ex's. They stay away from each other and get on with their lives. And if you're honest, you don't want to catch up....you want him to come back.

 

You need time with no contact at all to give your heart time to mend. He is being kind in meeting with you, but the fact that he didn't answer your texts has already given you the answer you are afraid of. This relationship is over. It would be better to cancel the meeting and begin the work of healing, because you are already holding on to false hope that this meeting will bring you back together. It won't.

 

And part of you already knows this, but another part doesn't want to accept the truth.

 

There's a book called "It's called a breakup because it's BROKEN" that would be helpful for you to begin the process of getting over this relationship. Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/Its-Called-Breakup-Because-Broken/dp/0767921968/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1336388505&sr=1-1

 

 

I know this is a hard reality to accept, but the sooner you come to terms with the reality of the situation, the sooner you will begin to heal, and be open to meeting someone who thinks you are wonderful, and wants to be with you!

 

Suzanne

Suzanne and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I texted him last night whether he is still keen to meet me on Wed.... ?

He replied an hour later and said that he is.

 

Maybe I am just disillusioning myself, but.....

Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

Wouldn't it be lovely if I was wrong? I hope you get to write back on Wednesday and report that the two of you are back together.

 

But my approach to situations like this is...better to be prepared for the worst and be pleasantly surprised than to expect the best and to be devastated.

 

I hope you'll write after your meeting and let me know how it went.

Suzanne

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Suzanne. I met him last night. You are right. He is not interested at all to get back together. He told me that I am not the one. It hurts. I will move on. I have to.

Thank you for your honesty and advice. It did help me prepare for the worst.
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.
I'm so sorry things didn't work out the way you had hoped...this is one time I would have loved to be wrong.
It will take a while to heal, but when you are feeling a little bit better, I have another book recommendation for you. The title is "Calling In the One". It's a seven week daily program for exploring what you really want out of a relationship, and the type of man who will help meet those core needs.
Do the book the way it is set up...once a day. It's based on 12 step recovery principles, and will be a worthwhile way to work through this disappointment.

Things will get better. Hold out for a guy who really wants to spend time with you...who will move the sun and stars to be with you.
I wish you all good things,
Suzanne
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you Suzanne.

I will check out the books you recommended.

 

Take care.

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