Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
I am here. I will be back in this chat in a few minutes. Keep this chat window open and i will be back in just afew minutes. I hope you can wait.
I will be back in a few minutes. can you wait?
just let me know when
I will. just a few minutes. I wanted to at least respond so you werent left hanging, but I need a few.
Ok I am here.
so where are things?
ok messy, not great
its always been messy... :-)
had a really bad night, sent email.. but theres more
Lately, I jump every time the phone rings, hoping its you. I've kind of become numb to it the last week, so when I saw your name I was almost relieved. I'm glad you called me, even though I can hear how upset you are, and how lost you are.The first time I took a deep breath this week was after you saying twice in your email you didn't want to end our relationship. I wasn't sure if you felt it was too much, or that you didn't love me anymore. Yes, I can't lie, it has been really difficult for me. To be honest, it does hurt you can talk to other people, but not me. I know you said i make you feel vulnerable. But as I said the other day, I need to respect and give you your space. I liked in your second email this week, you said you just wanted me to know where your head was. It may sound dumb, but its been so confusing lately that I'm glad you are letting me in a little.I am sorry work sucks right now, truly, I know that is your getaway.Me admitting I'm scared is rare. Yesterday, before you hung up, you said you want to tell me so much, but you can't. I don't fully understand it, and that scares me. Know that I will be here when you are ready to talk, hopefully soon.I miss you. I keep hearing one line from a song " That girls my best friend" , over and over. The one thing getting me through this is knowing the person I love will be there with me when shes ready.
of course no reply
was it bad
i went and saw work counselor today, talked for 2 hrs
no I didnt think so
good i am glad you did that
i thought it was a ok email, kinda repetitive?
I liked it. It was warm and caring
she told me i cant keep going on like this, and i need to confront her and get answers. she is getting to live life and i am suffering.
she said she is being unfair and i am being too nice
call her i mean after work
ok and does she pick up?
no of course not
left message, said hope she had a great day..
told her i had an interesting day at work and talked to someone
told her i needed to tell her about it
said i need to see her tmrw after work, then finished with i love u
then i texted her because she said she couldnt read my email the other day, that she needed to listen to my message
she said ok
then 1/2 hr later.. she replied..You cant say that and not tell me what its about!
i asked her to meet tongiht,,, no reply
then i said, i assume you cant, so let s do tmrw night
it feels a bit gamey to me
too much back and forth
I think if you want to see her and tellher what you are feeling about this whole space then you let her know that just in that way
that is what i was going to do, tell her i just need to know whats going on, and if she loves me to please tell me
Can we please meet to talk about all of this? I speak with a counselor today and I need to let you know how I feel
should i text her that now
yes but the back and forth pulls you both in and then the pull away happens when there is no reply casuing you to contunue to reach out
you didnt do anything wring I am just wanting you to get some strenght here and request what you need and want
as the counselor said today.
i feel lost after you said that, im not playing a game i just want to tell her .
the more she doest reply the more you seek her out.
so dont reply and tell her that
She knows what you want. i ask you this each night and i know the answer but can you sit tight? :-)
but , being serious, how long should i wait, i feel so lost
last night when she said about so much to tell me but cant, i felt lost
I know you do my friend and that is why I am so wanting you to get some strength. you asked her to meet you tomorrow?
yes, told her i needed to see her and suggested a time
should i cancel
ok. well then wait until tomorrow and call her two hours before and confirm where and when she will be meeting you.
she has all the control now and you are definitely suffering because of that
so i screwed up? i thought the counselor was right, but now im genuinely scared
no you did not screw up!!!!
please go easy on yourself. expressing your feelings is never a screw up
im sorry!! haha i confused!!
do u think its gonna push her away
she is on her own roller coaster
i know, and i thought about just leaving it, but counselor said it was unfair what she did last night
help me tell me what to do next!! haha
you need to follow what feels right for you...not anyone else
ok, u have read her emails, are a female, and know some stuff.. that honestly just why im asking
know some stuff about her i mean
I know but you need to follow how you feel. I cant or this counselor cant tell you what to do.
I can suggest sitting tight tonight
haha thats my only choice tonight!
you always have choices...I think that is the issue that you think you dont
i dont want to lose her, i love her, i think she loves me, but i dont know how to do this
i took your advice on counselor
I have said all along that she needs this space and understandably your fear has made it so difficult for you to do that
yes and you need the support
haha i can tell u are upset i called her
not upset, u know what i mean
support is good but it is only you that can really make the decisions for what works best for you
and because you feel lost you are willing to have us tell you how to proceed but you need to figure it out.
my goal is for you to take care of yourself in whatever way works for you that you decide
I have been consistent all along
i dont feel like i can go on not knowing what is going on
I feel the pain you are in and I wish I had the magic wand to make it different for you
counselor said i really needed to talk to her
and maybe you do but only you know when that should be
i dont think her reply was mad though do u?
you are so worried my friend...you need to trust yourself a bit more.
ok,,, in my heart this is how i feel..
she loves me, you saw that in emails..
think she is scared to leave him, either fear or something else
or maybe she still cares for him
I think you are getting it.
but in my heart i cant figure out why she just disappeared,
so if I said all that to you...what would you advise me?
to talk to them
and if the replies were on and off?
what do u mean?
sometimes there is a response and sometimes there isnt
i truly dont know what that means
that there was something else going on
you tell me that you text her and email her and there is no reply
what about last night when she wanted to talk
wouldnt know what to say about her call last night
I think the best suggestions i can give right now is for you to take a breather. your mind is all over the place
I would still see this counselor but not so she can tell you what to do but rather process your feelings around the whole thing
you are right...
that is what i suggested for you. nobody can tell you what to do around this only support you and work through the feelings. and certainly in this medium here that is all i can do.
yep,, you have really helped me real it in, i know i sound all over
as the medium, just tell me,, and you may not ..
ill ask a few yes no questions haha
u think she still loves me?
you answer that
tough love here!
she said it in both messages
excellent then that is what you hold onto
your opinion i mean?
its not important what I think it is important what you FEEL
haha but i really just want your opinion! haha
i know you do because you are looking for the validation but it truly is only about what you feel in your heart
I am pushing you to stay present with your feelings and not give the power to anyone else
oh this is dumb too. this morning the first time in one week, she played me back in scramble on phone.. that confused me too
no we are not going backwards here..we were making progress
scramble is progress?
i think she loves me but is scared to leave husband!
no you and i making progres with satying with your feelings and not having me analyze every minute detail
but i like that haha
I know you do.
but that makes you feel lost as you want to assign meaning to everything
i think she loves me but doesnt want to leave husband
so now i am asking.. what should i do tmrw
please dont say go with your feelings..s
I gave you my suggestion earlier...call her tow hours to confirm time and place and keep the schedule
i know but she cant answer at work, so i will have to hope
then send the text. only one. give the time and place and then go there.
on message i told her i would just assume she will be at meeting place at 615
ok then you are good to go. just be there at 6:15 then!
haha stop being mad at me
ok i will stop bugging you.. i know im being repetitive, and yes part of me is looking for your opinion
i know you are saying u cant have one
not true I have given it to you over the last several nights but the difficulty is for you to take it in an know that nothing has changed for me
I will tell you all of it now...again..
I think she loves you
I thnk she is under extrme pressure
I think she is confused
I am not clear as to what the eventual outcome will be
my focus is on you and getting your strength and power back
ok.. i am a person that just likes others opinions, and yes you have repeated it.. maybe i was just seeing if your opinion changed after yesterday.. be patient with me i have never been this in love
i know, and i feel completely weak , because i dont have answers, and i dont even know the questions
I am completely patient with you...I am giving you a bit of tough love to get you on track to finding some strength
I know and my heart breaks to know that.
As I say each night I am here for you.
my feelings have not changed and if you tell me things and i feel differently I will give you a new opinion if there is one
I have been honest with you every night
haha i know, i feel like an ass. im a man i dont act this way. but as i said i am trying hard, just by talking to u
you have, and thank you
you are not an ass you are a man in love and you are hurting.
you are more of a man because you have reached out and I commend you for that
so just be honest with her if she comes ?
i am nervous but i think she will come
yes of course...always honesty
i will just ask for some answers, and hope i dont push her away
follow your heart
as usual,,, ill let you know
ok. Im rooting for you. nite
she just texted me
i hope you are on
she just texted
come back haha
sorry i dont know how but to ask your online profile
I am offline. I just signed back on to let you know that. I wont be back on until tomorrow.
can u talk for a few minutes
or u have to go
I cannot. I am sorry. I wont be available until tomorrow.
ok, just need a second after she texted its ok
I cannot right now. I need to sign off now.
can u talk for a minute
ok just needed to talk
I am here now
told her i saw counselor,, she got upset
asked her some questions, wanted to see if she would talk to me or go to counselor at work with me
held hands for a minute
then said she needed her walls and i was too much
alot more here.
told me she hated me and left
admitted husband hit her last week and she started cutting
said she wants me out of her life because i make her vulnerable
is there more? you can continue writing and I will respond when you are done
said she loves me but its over
thats basically it
ill remember more, but this hurts tremendously
ok. I am so sorry for how much pain you are in. It is excuciating
I am here.
i begged her to let me help her .. she pushed my hands away
said she wants to drink and be alone
wont go to counselor now
she said she hated me.. that hurts so bad
she needs to try and feel that so she can let go.
but you need to feel what you feel and you must take care of yourself now. you must stay with this counselor and be seen regularly to get through this
should i try to help her, or move on
no you need to pull back...this is what I have suggested all along. you need to help yourself now...not her..that is up to her.
this boundary she has set needs to be maintained
you are a loving man but you need to have some self love here now
its like she died and this new girl took her body over.. i know she is going through alot, but i miss the girl who wanted to marry me 2 weeks ago
you are right this is just like grieving over a death
and you need to grieve
she told me..
i love you, but i am purposely pushing u away
and then said i suck at giving her space
and you must give her that space now you must maintain that boundary
you need to just do it. no other choice...you will push her away
she said the main reason shes upset is she wants to leave him but cant afford it
i did already push her away
ok lets reign this in a bit....the only thing to focus on now is feeling what you feel and healing.
but today, i pushed her to leaving me
that is where my head is
I hear you but she has made the choice for her own reasons and you will beat yourself up trying to figure it out
so now no contact?
this is gonna sound dumb, but she played me in scramble this morning. should i just leave it alone.. i know that is trivial
none whatsover. you need to respect her wishes.
so delete game or dont play her back
I KNOW THATS DUMB
no contact in any medium
i know i need to heal, im dying inside and she doesnt care, she told me that. but at the same time i know shes hurting and it kills me
I want you to make some regular appointments with the counselor...that is your focus now.
talking to her today at 4
that is your focus now...your therapy and no contact. you need to respect her boundary on this.
ok, just wanted to talk. i realize this week was bad on my part, and i should have stuck with original plan after great first email. i lost her and have to try to cope
stick to it now and get yourself the support from this counselor...I promise it will help and you can feel all that you do and heal. it takes time
i have to ask.. do u really think she hates me?
no, but she wants it to be over and you need to respect that.
she has called me twice this weekend
sorry you here
I am online now.
hey sorry u there