How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ryan LCSW Your Own Question

Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ryan LCSW is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriend is 28 and from India and I am a 24 year old white

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend is 28 and from India and I am a 24 year old white American girl. His parents gave him an ultimatum to end the relationship because I am not from his village, so he ended it. I know we are in love and would last forever. He loves me, but is unsure what we have is true love that can stand the test of time. He wants me to let him go, but I want to stand up to his parents. I'm sure I could make it work, but he can't see how. I know he has a strong bond with his parents and I don't want to take that from him, but at the same time I have a strong bond with him that I don't want to lose. Should I fight to stay with him? or let him go?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX X'd like to help you out.

I can certainly understand why you would want to fight for the relationship and the person you are in love with. I also think you have every right to push for what you believe is right, and the relationship you want to be in. Unfortunately your boyfriend is being put in an extremely difficult position by his parents. The problem seems to be more about this ultimatum, rather than how he feels about you personally. If his parents feel so strongly about this that they are willing to give him an ultimatum, there may not be any way to reason with them or to convince them that this is relationship is ok. If he knows that by choosing this relationship with you that he would have to sacrifice his relationship with his parents, he may feel obligated to choose his parents. I completely understand why you want to stand up for a relationship that you believe in, but unless he is personally willing to stand up to his parents, it doesn't otherwise seem like he is willing to risk his relationship with his family.

It would seem like the best case scenario would be if his parents would be open to meeting you or talking to you and giving this a chance. Your intentions are obviously very good. However, if his parents are completely closed off to this, that is a tragic ending to this relationship, but I'm not sure it's fair to expect him to choose you over his family. I know that you are trying to respect his bond with his parents. If there is some way to preserve that while continuing with the relationship, that would certainly be the best case scenario. At this point though it unfortunately sounds like his parents have drawn a very distinct line, and he has been put in a position where he has to choose between two things he loves.

Considering how much you love him it would certainly be worth talking to him more about it and seeing if there is any way possible for this to work. Sometimes these cultural differences can be a dealbreaker unfortunately, and if he's put in a position where he would risk losing his family, at some point it may not be fair to him to push him to do that.

I certainly wish you the best and hope that I've been able to answer your question. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Professional therapist
Ryan LCSW and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency