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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Professional therapist
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My boyfriend is 28 and from India and I am a 24 year old white

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My boyfriend is 28 and from India and I am a 24 year old white American girl. His parents gave him an ultimatum to end the relationship because I am not from his village, so he ended it. I know we are in love and would last forever. He loves me, but is unsure what we have is true love that can stand the test of time. He wants me to let him go, but I want to stand up to his parents. I'm sure I could make it work, but he can't see how. I know he has a strong bond with his parents and I don't want to take that from him, but at the same time I have a strong bond with him that I don't want to lose. Should I fight to stay with him? or let him go?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

I can certainly understand why you would want to fight for the relationship and the person you are in love with. I also think you have every right to push for what you believe is right, and the relationship you want to be in. Unfortunately your boyfriend is being put in an extremely difficult position by his parents. The problem seems to be more about this ultimatum, rather than how he feels about you personally. If his parents feel so strongly about this that they are willing to give him an ultimatum, there may not be any way to reason with them or to convince them that this is relationship is ok. If he knows that by choosing this relationship with you that he would have to sacrifice his relationship with his parents, he may feel obligated to choose his parents. I completely understand why you want to stand up for a relationship that you believe in, but unless he is personally willing to stand up to his parents, it doesn't otherwise seem like he is willing to risk his relationship with his family.

It would seem like the best case scenario would be if his parents would be open to meeting you or talking to you and giving this a chance. Your intentions are obviously very good. However, if his parents are completely closed off to this, that is a tragic ending to this relationship, but I'm not sure it's fair to expect him to choose you over his family. I know that you are trying to respect his bond with his parents. If there is some way to preserve that while continuing with the relationship, that would certainly be the best case scenario. At this point though it unfortunately sounds like his parents have drawn a very distinct line, and he has been put in a position where he has to choose between two things he loves.

Considering how much you love him it would certainly be worth talking to him more about it and seeing if there is any way possible for this to work. Sometimes these cultural differences can be a dealbreaker unfortunately, and if he's put in a position where he would risk losing his family, at some point it may not be fair to him to push him to do that.

I certainly wish you the best and hope that I've been able to answer your question. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

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