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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1723
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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I recently connected with someone that I knew in High School.

Resolved Question:

I recently connected with someone that I knew in High School. For the first week leading up to our date, he texted me every day - morning, noon, even good night. We then had a really great first date. The following week, he still texted me, but it was a bit less, and I became the initiater of some of them. That Saturday - another great date. So now he has not proactively texted me one time. He responds to my text and will text me later - if I texted him first.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

it sounds like things have been going great. The problem with texting is that it can sometimes get in the way of true connecting. As hard as it may be, I would suggest that you pull back a bit and let him initiate and if he doesn't then you have some information as to whether he has an interest or not.

CoachJenK :

I am here when you come back online.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

Hi I'm sorry, I was at work and the chat window would not work.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

On both of our dates we literally spent hours talking...each time it didn't end until close to 1 am. And they both ended great.

CoachJenK :

Hi. no worries. I am here with you now

CoachJenK :

Yes I dont doubt that you had wonderful times as it sounds that way to me too.

CoachJenK :

Are you able to pull back a bit and let him reach out?

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

I did..yesterday I did not reach out at all but I am not looking forward to falling asleep again tonight not hearing from him.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

If this is our new normal I'm ok with that - but I really don't know if that is the case or if he is already somehow over it

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

it has only been two dates

CoachJenK :

yes it is a painful feeling for sure....but does reaching out really take that away because you are still left with...I had to reach out.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

not really - on Tuesday it was a little better because he responded and then texted me again a few hours later - but then yesterday was crushing

CoachJenK :

and that is the roller coaster that I can see how it can turn your mood from feeling good to not feeling good

CoachJenK :

and I am suggesting more than a day not just one day.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

how long do I wait to hear from him?

CoachJenK :

but let me ask for a minute...in HS when you knew him was he a pursuer?

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

no - actually I don't even remember him that well from HS. He recently joined FB and I sent him a note like a do most new FB friends to tell them I'm never really on, etc..

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

that started a communication back and forth of how have you been, etc.

CoachJenK :

ok

CoachJenK :

and he asked you out?

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

after two days -

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

it was a nice surprise

CoachJenK :

you always have the other option to say without being pressuring....i have had such fun on our dates but I want to make sure the texting is okay as i dont want to push you away.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

other than our dates, texting is our only form of communication

CoachJenK :

cause it seems like if I dont text you then I dont hear from you so I want to make sure I am not being annoying...not that i think you are at all...just a little silly line to lighten it up

CoachJenK :

yes but by your initiation?

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

I was honest with him on Monday night when I texted him (after waiting all day) that I thought maybe he was done with me

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

he responded LOL.No!

CoachJenK :

ok then he just might not be the texting pursuer kind of guy but i would pull back just a bit to keep the interest there

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

so do not text him tonight if I don't hear from him?

CoachJenK :

If you can stomach it. It might make him say hmmmm where is she I wonder how she is

CoachJenK :

but you can only do what feels right for you

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

I guess I can stomach just about anything....I've been divorced for three years and I'm the single mom of a 6 year old :)

CoachJenK :

definitely you can then....single mom of a 6 year old? you are a superhero

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

He is just the first person I've really liked in the past few years and I have to wonder if I've somehow messed it up

CoachJenK :

so use those powers and get your pwer back here.o

CoachJenK :

no you only wonder that because you like him and it has been a while.

CoachJenK :

the dates were wonderful so rely on that connection.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

ok - so I will give it one more day....then maybe send him something light tomorrow...like - I hope you've had a great week

CoachJenK :

when was the last communication?

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

Tuesday night

CoachJenK :

yes so tomorrow is ok and anything silly from the date or anything that you can connect to in the text?

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

we saw a movie last Saturday so I can probably pull something from there...he admitted that he wears crocs when he is home...lol

CoachJenK :

perfect....so you can say something silly like....

CoachJenK :

I couldt sleep last night cause all i could see when i closed my eyes was you in those crocs walking around your house.

CoachJenK :

does that sound ridiculous or okay to you?

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

it does - that is a great idea

CoachJenK :

these are just my thoughts but you expand or change anything

CoachJenK :

and if it sounds too mush about not being able to sleep

CoachJenK :

you can say as I read a book to my 6 year old i was imagining you at home in your crocs

CoachJenK :

you make it fit to your personality

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

great ideas...so another painful evening and then tomorrow I'm on it - if it helps, I have been checking FB to make sure he didn't 'defriend' me ....

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

this feels like high school but I'm 38

CoachJenK :

love those hs feelings when they come up...aint life grand?!

CoachJenK :

hes not defriending you. go relax and I am rooting for you

CoachJenK :

come back to me anytime.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

Thank you - you have been awesome

CoachJenK :

I think you are going to do just fine...you sound terrific.

JACUSTOMER-2z4n0asa- :

Thank you ")

CoachJenK :

its been a pleasure

CoachJenK :

and if you panic later I will be around until 10pm EST tonight and then back at it in the morning

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1723
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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