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Howard Wise
Howard Wise, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 650
Experience:  Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.
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I found out 2 months ago that my boyfriend of 14 months sells lingerie on ebay. He had to

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I found out 2 months ago that my boyfriend of 14 months sells lingerie on ebay. He had told me he was just getting rid of stuff from when him and his exwife did that together. I recently discovered that he has been doing in for over 6 years, pretty consistently. He is a wonderful man in the way he treats me and cares about me but this is really bugging me and am wondering if I'm overreacting or why it's really bothering me.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Good morning, this is Howard,

I'm wondering why it's bothering you as well. Do you think that it is inappropriate for a man to sell lingerie? Are you insecure in your relationship with your boyfriend? I think there must be something else going on here that you haven't mentioned yet.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Maybe I am insecure or worried there is more to it. He also likes to wear ladies panties sometimes. I wondering if this is an obsession to be concerned about or just not a big deal. I don't know why I feel insecure. I feel jealous and hurt for some reason. I guess I was thinking it was inappropriate or creepy that a man would want to sell lingerie.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I guess confirmation or disagreement that I think it's strange. And help with wondering why I'm feeling this way.
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for the additional information.

I'm not surprised that you are concerned about your boyfriend's interest in wearing ladies' panties. Many women would find that to be of a concern. I suggest that you talk to him about it. Perhaps he can shed some light on this hobby which will help you to understand what this is all about.

You may feel insecure because your boyfriend has behaved in a way, in the past, that makes you reluctant to trust him. Am I on the right track with this?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have talked to him about the wearing part and he has even discussed it with his therapist. It isn't all the time, just now and then. He has made it sound like he wants to stop selling when he gets rid of his stuff but looking at his selling history makes me think he has been doing it for other reasons than "trying to get rid of" He has also said it's just an opportunity to make money. I am insecure. I don't have alot of experience w/ men nor understand what I'm supposed to tolerate. I don't like it when he talks about other woman being pretty or hot. I'm 48 and sometimes I think he looks at younger women alot and that makes me feel bad about myself. I feel like he's hiding something about selling lingerie on ebay but I really don't want to come across like some insecure, crazy woman.
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for the additional information.

You may be right that your boyfriend sells lingerie for other reasons than making money. It appears that he has an attachment to lingerie, given that he likes wearing a ladies underwear. You will find some excellent information at the website indicated below:

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/cross_dressing_information.htm

Regarding what you are supposed to tolerate, there's really no rule book about that. if your boyfriend's behavior makes you feel uncomfortable, and it appears that it does, you have every right to ask him to stop. If he is not willing, or able, to do that then you will be in the position of making a choice. You can either decide to stay with him and find a way to cope with what may be uncomfortable for you, or you can leave. Both of these decisions will not be easy ones for you to make sure.

Most women would not appreciate their boyfriend looking at other women and making inappropriate comments about them. Your boyfriend is clearly not being very sensitive to your feelings in this regard. Again, I suggest that you let him know that you are uncomfortable with this type of behavior, and ask him to stop. If he is not willing to do that you will have to decide how to proceed, and whether or not you want to remain in this relationship.

I don't think that you will be coming across like a crazy woman by bringing these issues up. Good communication is crucial in order for a relationship to be a healthy one. It appears that there is room for improvement in your relationship in this regard.

You may also want to consider individual psychotherapy for yourself. That can be an excellent source of support for you right now. My impression is that you need to have someone to bounce your thoughts and feelings off of and get feedback regarding whether or not you are reacting inappropriately to things that are making you uncomfortable.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok, thank you! XXXXX ask another question about this relationship unrelated to this topic?
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Please do.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you. This is embarrassing and very uncomfortable. But when I met my boyfriend I had been separated 3 years from my ex-husband, who I was with for 23 years. My boyfriend was patient with me when it came time to be intimate. I truthfully did not think the relationship would last and was ready to experiece sex again (even for the fun of it). However, the relationship has lasted and has turned out positive in many ways. However, I made the mistake of faking orgasims. I have had real ones with him but just not as often as he thinks. I love being with him in that way. It is wonderdful whether I climax or not. I'm wondering if I should talk to him about this or just stop faking it. I know honesty is very important in a relationship but this is a tough one to bring up, if it's necessary.
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
This is a tough issue to bring up with your partner, I agree. I suggest that you talk to him about what he needs to do to bring you to an orgasm. You don't necessarily need to tell him that this has been an issue for you up to now. You can just say that you would enjoy sex with him even more if he does... Also, it's important for you to realize that some men, possibly including your boyfriend, would not be that upset to discover that you don't always have an orgasm. That's a great goal to shoot for but it is often not a realistic one for any number of reasons.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you. I appreciate the help!
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
You're quite welcome.

It has been a pleasure working with you this morning. If you would like my advice again, when you submit your new question, please write my name at the beginning. That will ensure that I am the expert who responds.

You will find an important note next to my signature at the bottom of the page.

Good luck!
Howard Wise, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 650
Experience: Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.
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