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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Professional therapist
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How do I deal with a boyfriend that puts pressure on us getting

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How do I deal with a boyfriend that puts pressure on us getting back together? After breakup I let him contact me by mistake and after 3 dates and one night of sex he keeps trying for us to be together again.I feel weak and have a problem with boundaries but the problem is that he feels he is changed (egocentric, reactive and has a problem with money-stingy) and says that these will never happen again. I feel scared that we get married and then I will have to divorse him, as I believe people dont change. still, I Feel unsure. I dont know what to do
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

It does seem like part of this could be a boundary problem. It has obviously taken a lot of strength for you to get to the point where you could break up with him, and he should respect your decision. Even if he has changed, that would not mean that you have to give him another chance or get back together with him, and sometimes it is just best to close the door on a relationship that didn't work out. If he has changed, you still have a right to take as much time and space as you need to feel comfortable deciding whether or not it makes sense for you to give this another try.

Moving on from a relationship can be extremely difficult, but if you instincts are telling you that this guy is unhealthy for you, then it is normally best to listen to those instincts and stay away. If he continues to put unwanted pressure on you, you may have to cut off contact with him again just so you aren't tempted to put yourself in a bad situation in a moment of weakness. This may be a situation where you have to protect yourself from yourself. Try to remind yourself of the reasons you made this decision in the first place. Most likely you made this decision because you knew it was best for you, but that doesn't mean it still won't be incredibly difficult.

It may help to continue with professional help if you aren't already, just to ease you through this transition. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time and I certainly wish you the best. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

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