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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1777
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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I have been seeing a woman for four months (she is 35 I am

Resolved Question:

I have been seeing a woman for four months (she is 35 I am 50); the issue is that she doesn't want any physical contact and isn't certain if she wants to be a "couple" as she feels that she has been a serial dater since her divorce a few years ago....so she has me me to be patient with her. I am falling in love with Alex and so the gap between us is significant.....what do I do. My very best, len
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

You sound like a lovely person Len. What I always recommend in these situations is to get in touch with that is going to help you to feel the best.

CoachJenK :

If that means being patient without a guarantee that anything will come of it then stay in and be patient.

CoachJenK :

But if it is too painful to do that then leaving and giving that space may be the only option

CoachJenK :

you do also have the option while being patient to continue to live your life, date others and do the things you love

Customer:

thanks so much for your advice; I have aslo thought those are the best three options and perhaps for me is to date others while alex decides what she wants to do; although I must say, being with her is very very heard as we are in two different places....

CoachJenK :

it absolutely is...you want one thing and she isn't clear what she wants or needs and that can be painful, so I always like to see be patient unless t is to the detriment of the self.

CoachJenK :

sorry for my typos.

CoachJenK :

but you sound like you have a very clear head on your shoulders and wll know what can work for you

CoachJenK :

hard because you are falling in love

CoachJenK :

but that love needs to come back in order for you to feel fulfilled.

CoachJenK :

let me know your thoughts.

Customer:

Hi, yes it is very hard to love and not feel love in return; Alex loves for me to do things for her but doesn't reciprocate although she is extraordinarily open and honest (great qualities); part of me really wants to wait for her to decide as she has said that she has never met a man like me, and part of me is growing tired of this being such a one sided relationship; and although dating others "sounds" good, my heart isn't in it...

CoachJenK :

And maybe then dating doesn't need to happen with someone else. but rather the focus just be on you and what makes you happy. And if you need to give it more time in the relationship then do that but again not to where the mutuality doesn't exist and you feel alone and empty.

Customer:

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX is definitely a quality of loneliness in giving and knowing their will be no reciprocity; I am not particularly needy but some sign that she really cares would be nice. I feel if she can't decide sometime over the next month or two it will be very hard and unhealthy for me to hang in; she has acknowledged that she deeply appreciates my patience and knows that it must be frustrating but has also made it clear she can't give me more right now....of course her son is wonderful (5 yrs old) loves my two dogs and me and vice verse, so there are a lot of good emotions involved which make Alex feel comfortable.....the uncertainly and the need for long term patience is very new for me

CoachJenK :

I am hoping that this patience pays off and it just might. so, do what feels right for you in your heart and gut...spend the time when it feels good and can be mutual and take the other times for you and only you.

Customer:

thank you I appreciate your advice very much. My best len B

CoachJenK :

len please come back to me and ask for me directly....i am here to support you anytime you need.

CoachJenK :

please click accept if i have been helpful

Customer:

thanks! I will do so....

CoachJenK :

if you start a new question write for coachjenk only at the beginning

Customer:

ok will do

CoachJenK :

have a wonderful evening and please click accept if I have been helpful.

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1777
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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