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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Customer Question

Why is my ex like a brickwall at the moment?We had half of a conversation about things and didnt get get to finish.I want to say more stuff but on the otherhand I should maybe leave it at the moment?(Psychic Guidance)
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Hello, this is Howard,

I sense your frustration. Talking to a brick wall is never any fun. I imagine that there are many emotions floating around which are interfering with the ability to listen and converse with each other like rational adults.

I agree that you should leave it at the moment because this brick wall has not grown any ears!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Haha!
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I'm glad that you appreciate my sense of humor.

Do you have another question?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I just feel so angry that I Want to text him what I feel
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I suggest that you write a letter - but don't send it. That should help!

Laughing
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Lol I already wrote a letter and sent it.
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Whoops!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Lol.
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Do you have another question? If not, I have enjoyed working with you. Good luck!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
should i end all contact with him and how long for?
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I am not going to be able to continue working on this with you, so I am opting out. I suggest you post a new question.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I am answering this one for you, and hoping that you appreciated the advice I had previously given to you, to learn how to be more assertive.

If you have things that need to be communicated to your husband, then by all means, say them. Stop procrastinating. Don't be afraid to speak out. Do it with kindness, sweetness, intelligence, but with force. You must learn to assert yourself and say what is on your mind. That is why I recommended the book on assertion in the other post I answered. Here is is again:

http://www.collinsbooks.com.au/Asserting-Yourself/p/9780738209715

You will really turn your life around if you can learn to more more assertive. I can see from your series of communications with the previous expert who opted out, that you would be better off if you learned more inner strength.

Here is the other great book that I recommend, also available at Collins.

http://www.collinsbooks.com.au/Assertiveness-Step-by-Step/p/9780859699259

Now, how about that. Two good answers in a row. Assert your satisfaction by giving me some positive feedback with JustAnswer.

I hope you invest a few dollars in getting these books and changing your life.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok well his my ex boyfriend.So I should tell him what I think?or just keep up witht the no contact
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear friend,

If you are finished forever with your boyfriend, then do not contact him anymore. If, on the other hand , if you want to continue the relationship then tell him, in a firm but calm way, what you think, how he has made you feel, what you might have said to him or done that you are sorry for,.

Don't let him suck you into an argument. Stay peaceful, keep your mind open, DO NOT ESCALATE INTO NEGATIVITY, don't lose your even, positive, friendly tone.

If you want this to work, and this is your goal, keep you eye on the prize, run around the brick walls instead of running into them. I can't be more clear. You are mostly in control of this situation by your actions. This is yours to win - or to lose - depending on how you speak and behave. Keep your eye on the prize and think before you speak.

I do hope that after all of the effort spend on this question, and the valuable advice I have given you, you will reward me with positive feedback for JustAnswer. Thank you so much, and the best of luck to you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok Today I messaged him and said that I think he betrayed me.I didnt get a response.I just wanted to let him know that I knew that he might be doing something that he told me he wouldnt do.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Any advice lol?

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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Counselor
7663 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.