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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Customer Question

What should I know at this time?Psychic Guidance
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Good evening, this is Howard,

You should know that there is a plan for you and that you are on the right track, even though it may not look that way. Never give up, and never lose hope!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hello Howard.

 

For sure!Im so hurt and confused at the moment but believe all will be good.Are you a counsellor?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hello Howard.

 

For sure!Im so hurt and confused at the moment but believe all will be good.Are you a counsellor? I had a break up four weeks ago.We talked over text I said I wanted to talk and he said he didnt know what to say then I went on to say everyone deserves a chance and to move forward not to hold onto the past.He said hes not holding onto the past because his not petty or childish.He said that he didnt want a relationship at the moment.Then that night we bumped into each other he was keen to talk because he brought it up I said are you scared its going to happen again and he said yes and that he said how can people possibly change who they are for someone.I said no it wouldnt be changing me just making a change/improvements.I feel like I should have said we should talk and not brought up things over text.I feel as if he hasnt give me a chance to see where we could go.The break up was over a miscommunication thing.Then the same night my Dad said that were not to have a relationship and that it affected Dads business(which personally I dont think it did because none of the workers were told about our personal stuff).

Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Yes, I am a counselor.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling hurt and confused.

Don't worry that you said the wrong thing when you brought things up over text. You were doing the best you could do under the circumstances.

It's certainly possible that he hasn't given you a chance to see where the two of you could go. That's not your fault, so don't blame yourself.

It's unfortunate when break ups happen because of miscommunication, but I believe there was more to it than that.

Your dad should stay out of your personal affairs. It's up to you who you want to have a relationship with.

I am in the U.S. so, if you post a follow-up question, please allow for the difference in time zones.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Its ok step by step.I feel as if he runs away from his problems and doesnt know how to deal with them where as I like to deal with them.We moved into together straight away from when we got together so i do believe space was needed.Its not fair because I wouldnt do this to him I would give him a chance and I feel like its only a minor thing that could be resolved.I told him Ive done the best I can and its like talking to a brick wall with you i sensed in his voice that he was like aww to my frustration.Also I couldnt settle in our relationship because his other ex the one before lives in the same town was constantly in contact with him.Anyway turns out straight after our relationship breakup hes apparently in town with friends then hes been spending nights in town so whether or not their friends with benefits.He said to me he wouldnt go into a relationship with her again so it was brought out onto the table that if he is involved then hes a fool for that.I think hes denying it because he went to say her name in disgust but he got cut off from what he was going to say.I just said that if thats the case then consider how others will be hurt and that he said he wouldnt get involved as in relationship.I know thats what I reckon no one should be getting involved. Like you said their must be more to it and I reckon so too because its normal for people to have issues but they fix them and I feel strongly that we could have sorted this out and by him telling me he doesnt want a relationship right now means he doesnt want to close the door but its an option just not as this stage in time.I wanted to ring and say sorry about the other night but then i thought i leave it because my Dad said all of that stuff plus me and my ex only had a half of a conversation because my Dad was saying that we both had to come in and thats when my Dad started on everything.I dont know what to do?Ive written him an apololgy letter which he liked but it just seems like thats not enough then we had the half of a conversation which i wanted to finish and never got too. Ok whats the difference over there?
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I will give you my full response a little later. I have a minor emergency to attend to now.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No worries.Hope all is ok!!
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
You are correct, it's not fair when somebody treats you in a way that you would not treat him. Unfortunately, life is not always fair. We must accept that because, if we don't, we will only make ourselves unhappy.

I'm sure you're very frustrated because talking to this fellow is like talking to a brick wall. I have had that experience myself and I did not enjoy it either. Obviously, you want him to be sensitive and concerned about your feelings of frustration. Unfortunately, he's not at a place now where he can do that.

When an ex is constantly in contact with your boyfriend that can be a major source of frustration and it has the potential of ruining the relationship. I have seen this happen many times.

Friends with benefits is definitely a possibility here. The sex drive is very powerful and it often rules!

You are trying to advise this guy on how to behave, and what's best for him. I don't think that should be your role. You need to focus on your life and what's good for you. His life is his responsibility. I know you care about him, but you must let this go.

I know you would have liked to sort things out with this guy, and you feel sad that you were not given an opportunity to do that. Hopefully, in the future, you'll meet someone who is more available and willing to work things out with you. I think there is a very good chance this will occur.

You said that you don't know what to do. I think it's a good idea, when you find that you don't know what to do, to not do anything. I suggest that you wait a while, give yourself a few days or a week or more, and then see how things look.

I don't know how old you are, but it seems like your father gets too involved in your business. I suggest that you talk to him about this, unless you are okay with his intervention.

I I don't know the time difference between where I am and where you are. I am in the Western United States of America.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Absolutelty its not fair especially when I would not do this to him.Yeah it was frustrating that he let her be in the picture but he couldnt see it he kept saying it was friends.Yes I know I need to let it go its so hard though because I feel as if nothing was resolved over something minor.Im 20 and yes my Dad shouldnt have put it on the table like he did the other night about the relationship I had because it made things worse.I told Dad I appreciate if he doesnt tell my personal stuff to people.I just wish I could tell him how I feel to get it out.

 

Ok nows its 9.01am.

Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
What's keeping you from telling him how you feel?

If you tell me the city you are and I can tell you how many hours apart we are.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Nothing I just think whats it going to do as my dad has already told him no relationship and then because my ex doesnt want a relationship at the moment which probley means its not a no to being able to work things out in the future.
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I'm a little confused by what you wrote above. Perhaps you can explain further.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I feel like I cant to him because of everything thats happened.Opps at the end I didnt mean to put its a no to being able to work things out in the future lol.
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I understand.

If you have a new question I would appreciate if you would submit it. You may request me to help you again by writing my name at the beginning of the question.

Thanks.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yeah my mums advice is too not contact him and said just let it run its course
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I'm going to opt out. If you would like to post a new question you have that option. I will not be replying to this post again.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Counselor
7663 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.