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AskJason
AskJason, Relationship Answers
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 39
Experience:  B.A. Psychology
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My boss boss and I were attracted to each other the moment

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My boss' boss and I were attracted to each other the moment we met. We flirted and stared at each other for 3 days while he was visiting the office ( he is from another country).
The last night, at dinner, I suggested he should stay in and relax the next day. We said goodbye and he hugged me tight. When I got home there was an email from him just saying 'decided to take your advice tomorrow'. I knew he was hoping to be together but he didn't ask directly and we ended up not meeting.
From that day on we kept exchanging very hot emails (with me always being the one to initiate) - he told me he wants me, he mentioned he wanted to fly back and take advantage of me, etc. I am in love with him and I truly feel he likes me a lot!
But at some point he changed and although he kept promptly responding to all my emails and engaging, there were many times he's been here and had the opportunity to do all the things he told me in emails but never does.
I always learn he will be here from someone else, he never planned to see me and has given me all reasons possible for not being with me physically: first it was 'you are so far away', then 'I am paid to be good', 'I will do my job first', 'X person already made my schedule', 'I have to know you and trust you'..... BUT the stares continue and the energy is there every time.
I understand the issues here, he is my boss, he lives with someone else, I am separated but still living with my ex, etc...
But in my mind nothing can justify him being able to NOT act upon this obvious strong attraction we share.
1) Is it possible that a man likes a woman but is able to resist not being with her?
2) Should I play hard to get and let him initiate? (I haven't emailed him in 3 months- just stopped, progressively getting frustrated every time he came here, because of disappointments for the way he acts so distant when close.
3) I am very open and extremely vocal about what I want- he has said that 'I scare him in a work environment, not out of it'
4) Could he be afraid that I will say something?

I miss him every second of the day and truly believe we are soul mates. I want to do this right...and bring him back for good. I want to be with him, close to him...should I keep telling him that and boost his ego a bit more?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  AskJason replied 2 years ago.

AskJason : Hello, would you like to chat about this?
AskJason : I'll attempt to answer your questions in the order they are numbered:
Customer:

hi

Customer:

so, what do you think?

AskJason : 1). Yes, this is very possible. Almost every happily married man finds himself extremely attracted to a woman other than his wife from time to time. This is natural. Marriage doesn't take away a man's eyes nor his sense of sexuality and what is attractive to him. I realize your boss' boss is not married, but my point here is to just illustrate that even happily married men can be attracted to another woman and take no action. Perhaps it is easier for a married man to resist these physical urges for another since he has made a commitment and faces losing his marriage should he cheat. Since your boss' boss is only living with someone and is not married, he doesn't have the pressure of marriage hanging over him to keep him in line. However, he may be in love with his live in partner and surely he also has concerns over sleeping with an employee. He cited these reasons to you and more. So yes, a man can be very attracted to a woman and even flirt with her, but decide not to let it go beyond that for various reasons.
Customer:

why wouldn't he stop turning me on or tell me he will never be with me?

AskJason : 2). It sounds like you already had played "hard to get" the past few months and this hasn't caused him to pursue you. What I'm thinking is that he really enjoyed the flirting and got off on the attention and the thrill of knowing you are attracted to him, but he's not ready to end his current relationship and/or risk the possible job consequences should he date you.
AskJason : 3 & 4). It sounds to me like you have told him very clearly how you feel. Have you told him that you love him? It doesn't seem that he feels the same, since if he did love you, he would fight to overcome whatever barriers there are to you guys being together. Instead, he keeps telling you all the reasons why you can't be together. Based on the info I have here, my gut says he just enjoyed the flirting and the "ego boost" as you aptly put it, and you are unfortunately not going to get the response from him you are seeking.
Customer:

thanks Jason, blunt but it makes sense...I guess what doesn't convince me is the fact that it was just so much easier to stop all of this- in a way he has been risking a lot talking to me so intimately- I would think for his own protection he shouldn't have taken it this far

Customer:

and I was sure I could tell when a man is deeply into me- and I so feel he is

AskJason : If I am correct in my assessment, he will never stop turning you on and will never tell you that you'll never be together because he doesn't want the flirting to end. My opinion is that he is really enjoying the flirting but isn't going to let it go past that. This is of course not good for you since it just leads you on. So based on that, if you have told him clearly how you feel and that you want to be in a relationship with him, and he continues to do nothing, then in effect he has given you all the answer you need and you have to move on.
Customer:

Wouldn't the fear of losing his job over something like this be enough to make him think he should stop?

Customer:

you know when you feel someone has so much to risk and is still doing it...it seems something 'impossible to resist' therefore inevitable to happen

AskJason : I wish I could give you a better answer as far as the outcome being a good one for you, but I believe in giving the best possible advice I can based on the info I am given. I know this is very hard for you and I'm sorry to have to cause you any sadness with my opinion. I hope my comments helped provide some level of clarity for you and I wish you the best in this difficult situation!
Customer:

you helped- tks!

AskJason : You're welcome. Please remember to click on Accept so JustAnswer can compensate me for my time. Take care and feel free to Private Message me directly with any follow up or future questions.
AskJason, Relationship Answers
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 39
Experience: B.A. Psychology
AskJason and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  AskJason replied 2 years ago.
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Expert:  AskJason replied 2 years ago.
Hi. Just thought I'd follow up and see if the flirting issue we chatted about has taken any significant turns. I hope you were able to tell your boss' boss how you felt and that he provided you with some real and meaningful feedback. Any more questions I may help you with, just let me know!

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