How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello, I like this girl, shes my best friend and I dream

Customer Question

Hello,

I like this girl, she's my best friend and I dream of some day taking our relationship to that next level. The only problem is, she has a boyfriend. Now I'm not asking how to steal her heart, I'm enough of a man to say he got there first and no matter how much she means to me, her happiness comes first.

I'm just wondering if it's so wrong to still think of the possibility? she's told me that she "doesn't see it, even if we were single." But yet our friendship is as tight as can be, I feel like I already am her boyfriend in a way. We met eachother online, but when I've met her in person we did act cuddly to an extent, we weren't like spooning or anything, but the occasional hugs and resting our heads on eachother just seems so natural...

I also like to think that her "not seeing it," is because she has a boyfriend so she's never gave me a true chance in her mind. Or that maybe she's just saying "I don't see it," so that it's not a direct "no."

Is it wrong for me to still dream of the day of it happening? Do you think there's still a possibility? I know she's the kind of girl I would love to spend a lot of time with because when her and I became the best of friends, I told all my friends, it was a huge deal to me. She always gets me in these bubbly moods, and I'm glad to know her the way I do.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

You are probably a great guy but you don't want to waste your time to think that things will change after she has given you her answer. She may be trying to spare your feelings. Although you can fantasize about her it serves no purpose if she has told you that she doesn't have the same feelings. Women often try to tell someone in a nice way that they aren't interested. The fact that she has done that including the fact that it wouldn't happen if you were both single tells you that she is clearly not wanting the relationship that you want. If you choose to fantasize or harbor these feelings you have to ask yourself for what reason.

 

I think it is more important that you consider how you will be friends without the hope that you will be a couple. You may be setting yourself up for disappointment. That should be your concern. By continuing to pursue these feelings you will ruin the friendship. You are preventing yourself from finding someone who does have these feelings.

 

I would accept that you are in the friend zone and that you have to find love in someone who is open to that experience. You deserve to be happy

 

 

Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well, oddly enough back when I have asked this question before, she said "I could, (potentially)" it wasn't till we became best friends that she started saying that she "doesn't see it," although her mind did change in the middle from "I don't share these feelings," to "I don't see it happening." I'm not trying to harbor my feelings per say, I just think of the possibilities because the times we share as friends are the best times of my life and I feel that she enjoys our time too. I understand that she could be sugar coating it to put me down nicer. It's odd, seeing her with her boyfriend honestly does NOT cause any jealousy in me. I'm just glad to know she's happy. It's weird to say the least, but I honestly can't shake why I can't get over her. I already have another girl in my life, the two are both great for similar reasons, but my heart just doesn't go off like it does for my best friend. It's stupid, but I want to think that given the day we're both single, it'll just be about making the date magical, even in how i'll ask her. It's stupid, but I've had these feelings for months and she puts up with it, and still is willing to spend everyday with me if she could! Our relationship as is, is as special as can be, but I can shake the possibility of taking it further someday...
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency