Hello, my name isXXXXX a Licensed Professional Counselor and would like to offer some insight into your situation.
I'm terribly sorry to hear about the fights with your boyfriend. Is this the first time that you have had problems during the three weeks you mentioned, or would you say that the last three weeks were the worst of a long string of problems and fights?
It sounds as if you have done a lot by smoothing things over and trying to calm the situation down.
Sometimes in relationships you have to realize that you cannot possibly control how others think and feel, and this may be the case with your boyfriend. He mentioned that perhaps you need some time apart, did he happen to elaborate on that? If he feeling stuck or frustrated with the relationship?
While this seems paradoxical, sometimes the best way to gain power over a situation, is to let go of the power that you have in that situation, or in your case, letting your boyfriend choose his path. Needing space to reflect whether or not he wants to pursue a relationship may be what saves it in the long run, while attempting to keep him committed while he is considering leaving may be like trying to hold a wasp captive in your hands without it stinging you.
The old adage stating that "If you love someone, let them go" holds the most true here. If he is unhappy in the relationship, there is not much that you can give short of the love and understanding that you have already offered him.
sometimes, people get confused by the sheer concept of being in a relationship and don't realize that they want it until they have stepped out of one, while other times people who are under stress seek to be alone rather than the comfort of others.
Since you are offline I am going to log off and switch this to the Q&A format where you will be able to contact me further to discuss this. Until then, my best advice to you is to continue to be supportive, state how you feel about him, and communicate about the ways in which he is NOT hurting you. If he is unhappy in the relationship, ask him if he thinks there is anything that can make him happy besides ending it, but also stand firm that you want to be his first choice and do not want him to feel forced into the relationship.
Best of luck, Anthony. Please remember, answers given on JustAnswer are informational only and serve only as the opinion of an expert, they do not establish a counselor/client relationship nor do they substitute for individual professional counseling.
well it's not the first time and i hurt him during this time with some sentences. The thing is he suggested to be seperated and when i suggested not to he just didn't insist on it . I thought maybe he was saying that under lots of mental pressure.
and another problem is that i
and another problem is that i don't know if he loves me enough or not i think he knows how to play he has lots of experiences about relations but i don't . Do you think i have to pretend that nothing happened till everything gets normal again ? i don't want to bring up another conversation on this because i think i will cause another fight. And do you think i just don't have to ask him where is he and what's he doing during the day ??? he thinks i'm to stressed in these stuff and i kinda am !
what's the best way to attract him to myself in this situation ?