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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience:  More than 20 years of expertise in counseling, relationship resolution and family therapy.
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My husband is an alcoholic. He got a DUI and just seems to

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My husband is an alcoholic. He got a DUI and just seems to be gettting worse. We are separated and haven't lived in the same house for over 2 years. I have children with my ex husband and he doesn't want my current husband around my children, which I understand and agree with. My husband blames part of his drinking on the fact that my "ex controls our lives and doesn't let us live together". I have explained repeatedly that this is ultimately my choice and that it makes no sense to allow my children to be around this behavior. He recently got a DUI and is now attending AA and MADD classes, but still hasn't stopped drinking. He tells me that he wants to try, it is really important to him and he wants us to stay together. With all that has happened I don't think my ex husband will ever be okay with this relationship, and will try to make it difficult for me to spend the amount of time I do with my kids. So, I struggle with this issue - do I try to give my husband a chance and work it out, or do I just need to move on. He has been verbally and physically abusive to me when he is drinking, but when he is sober he is a kinder person. I'm having a very hard time making a wise decision.

This is a difficult situation, and the feelings that you are dealing with such as confusion, fear and even perhaps regret are hard to process and sort through. However, one thing is clear. Your husband is still living in a drug induced world. As long as the alcohol has him, nothing else can have him, and that includes relationships of any significance. Simply, he is far from ready to commit to any relationship and the long history of addiction and abuse that he has is still, very clearly, present.

 

I respect that he wants to try. However, trying and doing are two very different things, and most people with your husband's history take years to work through the cycle of addiction and abuse that he has allowed to impact his and your life.

 

He is not ready for you and I can only see pain and hurt and difficulty in your life if you would choose to be with him now.The final choice is, as always, your own. But, here, even with wanting to change, that is a far cry from actually doing so...

 

I would continue to try ti receive support via a professional counselor if you could. This can be confusing and ongoing support is always a benefit. As iron sharpens iron another unbiased perspective can help. Here, in this question though; from what I can see, the answer to to keep your distance. He needs to show, much more what he has said to prove that he is different, and I would highly recommend extreme caution in any action that moves you back in to a relationship with him. Steven

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