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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1758
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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CoachJenK - Hi! Shall we continue?

Resolved Question:

CoachJenK - Hi! Shall we continue?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Can you wait for me until 11.30? truly hope so. got more to cover.

Customer:

Yes, what time zone?

Customer:

I am central

CoachJenK :

est

CoachJenK :

Half hour from now

CoachJenK :

I am here now

CoachJenK :

you with me?

Customer:

Yes

Customer:

Whew, I was a mess yesterday.

CoachJenK :

talk to me

Customer:

I was so upset last night. Mad at myself for feeling this way.

CoachJenK :

you seemed okay you needed the tough love...where are things for you now

CoachJenK :

you gotta take that judgment away it is not helpful and only makes it worse

Customer:

I know, but I am very hard on myself.

CoachJenK :

I know that but that only compounds things for you

Customer:

Ok, should I just keep thinking I am fabulous and adorable?

CoachJenK :

and you are that!

CoachJenK :

there is my spunk!

CoachJenK :

remember we talked a while back about my cheesy suggestion of setting up some romantic old times when things were fabulous?

Customer:

Yes

CoachJenK :

and does that inspire you at all?

CoachJenK :

I can hear how down you are because usually you are writing a lot and very talkative

Customer:

I know, right?

Customer:

I still try to put funny things in the already tried column...

CoachJenK :

so lets just relax and go easy on yourself....you do not need all the answers now...you just need a little self empathy

CoachJenK :

yes and I always smile big

Customer:

I figured you'd get a kick out of them

CoachJenK :

always!!!

CoachJenK :

lets play a silly game....

Customer:

Ok, so just take it one day at a time?

CoachJenK :

of course take it one day at a time

Customer:

I don't know if it's the writer in me, but I feel like I need to know the storyline far out sometimes...

CoachJenK :

That makes total sense and I think we all need that as limbo/ambivalence is a very tough place to be

Customer:

I think it is hard because as I said yesterday, I sometimes read other people's questions and I'm like, "Damn, I have it so good!"

CoachJenK :

it is all relative.....and we each have our own burdens

CoachJenK :

so do you want to play a silly game?

Customer:

Twister?

Customer:

Kidding, sure.

CoachJenK :

lol

CoachJenK :

no we are already playing twister

CoachJenK :

ok...

CoachJenK :

I want you to leave your husband!

CoachJenK :

how did you feel reading that?

Customer:

Hmmm...weird.

CoachJenK :

keep going

Customer:

I'd want to know why you felt that way

Customer:

Leaving means breaking up a family

CoachJenK :

no its not about what I feel it is about what you feel when I say it...this is the game...play along

Customer:

Ok...I'd be sad breaking up a family. I'd be scared being by myself.

CoachJenK :

anything else?

Customer:

I'd worry I'd be alone until I was 100 and someone would find me surrounded by cats

CoachJenK :

and bags of old mcdonalds burgers?

Customer:

I'd worry that i left something good and tried to replace it with something not as good

CoachJenK :

come on stay with me...serious

CoachJenK :

keep going

Customer:

I see what's out there and it's not pretty

Customer:

I get hit on by married men

Customer:

Who have no shame admitting they are married

CoachJenK :

forget them...you!

Customer:

I am just saying, I feel like that is the world out there

Customer:

And here I am with a guy who is honest and takes care of me

CoachJenK :

ok. Now believe it or ot, there are others out there that if I asked them that question they might say something like....I would be relieved and happy and desirous of datig. I dont love my husband and am so glad...I am going to take that step.

CoachJenK :

That is not you and not what you want! You just are struggling to regain some passion

Customer:

Ugh, who wants to date?

CoachJenK :

thats my point!

CoachJenK :

so lets work on the reconnection rather than the space of nothingness

Customer:

Ok.

CoachJenK :

so how can you do that with him? what does he want as well?

Customer:

I think he is content. Is that possible?

CoachJenK :

yes and maybe that is why you feel bored

Customer:

He is not a man of many wants.

CoachJenK :

we need some spice coming from him too

Customer:

How do I do that? Clearly, I can bring the spice from my end.

Customer:

He is not going to be one to plan a surprise...

CoachJenK :

yes clearly for sure and maybe that is the pice that is missing for you that it is you that needs to do it but we all have to rely on our strengths ad that is yours

CoachJenK :

so grab the bull by the horns and get spicey

Customer:

Ok, ok, I will be Mrs. Dash

CoachJenK :

LOL

CoachJenK :

come on stop making me laugh and get into it

CoachJenK :

this humor really is fabulous but it prevents you from really gettig to it

CoachJenK :

did I stump you?

Customer:

Nah.

CoachJenK :

ok then what are you thinking?

Customer:

Ok, so I have already planned dates for us

CoachJenK :

tell me

Customer:

I guess I have to kick it up in the bedroom?

Customer:

We go out a lot with other couples. I am trying to limit those.

CoachJenK :

yes but even before that...romance and setting it all up even before the bedroom can be exciting

CoachJenK :

plan something just the two of you...romantic restaurant

CoachJenK :

canoeing on a lake

CoachJenK :

something different

Customer:

Remember we have two precocious children

CoachJenK :

couples massage and then sushi at the bar

Customer:

Ok, ok

CoachJenK :

i do remember but couples are allowed and should have alone time

Customer:

Please tell that to my kids...they insist I am married to them!

CoachJenK :

as do mine...but it is imperative that we take that time!

CoachJenK :

how old are they?

Customer:

Ok, I will plan some romantic dates

CoachJenK :

you are a better mom by doing so

Customer:

5 and 9

CoachJenK :

and if you dont I would feel restless too!!!!!

CoachJenK :

you could even plan an overnight somewhere together sans children....oh no did i just say that? YES I did

Customer:

You crazy!

Customer:

:)

CoachJenK :

yup!!!!

CoachJenK :

and that is what I want you to be!

CoachJenK :

crazy spicey

Customer:

Ok...I will work on it.

CoachJenK :

I hope so....it will be so nice for you

CoachJenK :

and by the way you havent tried the whole enchilada but now you will

CoachJenK :

right a steamy chapter and then go live it out!

Customer:

It was more like a mini taco

CoachJenK :

did I just write right for write? hoy moly

Customer:

Writer's budget

CoachJenK :

then plan some spice on a taco budget

Customer:

yes, you did, but i didn't want to bust out my red pen.

CoachJenK :

Pretty funny

Customer:

Thanks for your help.

CoachJenK :

you are healed?

CoachJenK :

that wasnt hard!

Customer:

Now, write it was your pleasure and I can carry on...

CoachJenK :

it is always my pleasure as you know! :-)

Customer:

Likewise. Talk soon!

CoachJenK :

this has been an awful hour so talk soon

CoachJenK :

seriously...I am glad to be here for you.

Customer:

the worst, huh?

CoachJenK :

no doubt

Customer:

Cool. Heading to animal shelter to start my cat collection

CoachJenK :

dont forget to stop at mcdonalds and load up

Customer:

Yum. Perfect combo.I will be quite the catch!

CoachJenK :

thanks for the laughs...now go get spicey ad plan something!

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1758
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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