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Anthony
Anthony, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 42
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Louisiana.
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Hi My name is Katherine I would like some encouragement for

Customer Question

Hi My name is Katherine
I would like some encouragement for my relationship with my older man.
He says he loves me nearly every day and yet we regularly argue. Maybe ounce a week or fortnight. It used to take a lot longer for us to recover from our dissapiontments after a struggle of differences however now we usually say we love each other again by the next day.

The dissapiontment always seems to carry with it a feeling that we want so much to be close and yet are angered because we cannot get the other one to appreciate our piont of veiw. It's not over what colors to choose, food to eat or movie to see.

It seems to be over a difference of learning processes and him wanting to share his learning with me, and him feeling frustrated and disrespected that I want to explore a subject in my own unique way.For example last weekend when I did something unexpected with what he showed me with a strumming technique on the Ukulele. In my mind I was thinking I am being creative, and in his mind I am being uncooperative. We both get into feeling that it's not possble to be creative together and work on something together at these times. I then feel like I have to go into another room to defend my creative space.

Can you help as we both have a desire to learn music and are studying the same instruments and it would be a shame to loose each others creative insights. I just feel that we love each other but are frustrated by one anothers differences at times to the piont where we have to have time out from each other.

We don't live together but hav secret desires to in the future. We have been together for 3 years.
Regard Katherine

Best Regard Katherine
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anthony replied 4 years ago.

Anthony :

Hi Katherine, my name isXXXXX a Licensed Professional Counselor and would like to offer some insight into your situation today.

Anthony :

I see that you are offline, so I will list a few talking points and will return to answer any unanswered questions you have later this afternoon.

Anthony :

It is common in many relationships to have differences of opinion, looking at my own fiance, we are polar opposites on many issues, but can appreciate each others commonalities and differences alike.

Anthony :

In fact, thinking back on past relationships, it seems as if women that had too much in common with me almost always seemed to be more "work" in the end and ultimately did not work out in the long run.

Anthony :

Coming from another perspective, I went to school on a music scholarship and myself and my fiance are also trying to learn to play guitar together. She comes from no musical background at all, like you and your boyfriend, our learning styles are completely different from one another. As a musical perfectionist with a finely tuned ear, I have had to occupy myself doing other things while she practices, as I've found that my instruction tends to come off as critical and discouraging to her style.

Anthony :

With that said, no matter how close you may be to your boyfriend, you are two completely separate beings and always will be. It is important in any relationship to have some time to yourself so that you may unwind, learn and grow as a person, so in turn you may give back that growth to the relationship.

Anthony :

My fiance has also started a photography business in which she's asked me to help as an assistant during some shoots, weddings, etc. I feel glad to support her, but again have had to learn to hold back my opinions on things like her studio's logo design and different editing techniques, since art is mostly in the eye of the beholder and we do see differently on the subject.

Anthony :

I don't think that it is healthy to "pretend" at anything during a relationship, and do think that it is both your right and duty to calmly ask to have some creative space. If he truly loves and understands you, he will give you that space.

Anthony :

I'm going to step out of this chat for the time being while waiting for a reply. This question will remain opened and we will be able to communicate in a Q&A style.

Customer:

Hi Anthony

Customer:

I very much appreciate the personal shareing of oyour similar situation. What a great service.

Anthony :

Hi Katherine, glad to see that I caught you online!

Customer:

The part where you said CALMLY ask to have some creative space, was just what I needed.

Customer:

thank you so much :))

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