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BillLCSW
BillLCSW, LCSW, MFT Treating Couples for 35 years
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3706
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker MF Therapist
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My gf broke up with me because she still loves her ex bf. This

Customer Question

My gf broke up with me because she still loves her ex bf. This guy also treated her badly and so she is terrified of starting something new with me, She also has a kid, to complicate matters even further. I was aware of her issues but she was telling me she really liked me and that things were going in the right direction. Then, she broke it off all of a sudden. She said she wanted to stay friends. I don't contact her a lot, but if I send her a facebook chat or a text message, she just ignores it. She told me she really likes me as a person so I don't know why she is avoiding me? As I said, I don't contact her a lot but it looks like we won't be friends.

Why is this?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  BillLCSW replied 4 years ago.

BillLCSW :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

BillLCSW :

I am sorry to hear about this relationship problem.

BillLCSW :

I have worked with couples for nearly 35 years and in reading what you write it appears that your GF has reached a point where she feel's the "GF" part of your relationship is over.

BillLCSW :

Going backwards in a relationship like this is almost impossible as one person ( in this case you) is always left with questions and uncertainty as to what has happened......particularly if the relationship has been sexually intimate.

BillLCSW :

The notion that "we can be friends" is hard to manage as typically people will move on in their life, entertain new relationships which again, will complicate being "friends."

BillLCSW :

I see you are in chat.........is this how you see it or what is your response?

Customer:

It happened only recently. Do you think she is too upset to talk? I am torn between not wanting to talk to her and and wanting to because I like her

BillLCSW :

If she is willing to talk , there is not harm however, my sense and experience tell me that she is trying to "let you down" slowly without hurting your feelings. This is quite common in people that do not know how to be direct with their intentions. IF she stated that she still is in love with her ex, then that is a pretty good indicator where her attention is going to be and you have to decide if you want to participate in this process.....which I feel would only bring more pain to you.

Customer:

Do you think so, ultimately, I should stop taking to her? Also, we are rehearsing a play together for the next week and a half

BillLCSW :

She clearly has many unresolved "issues" and it is fine to remain cordial but I would not set myself with any hopes of resurrecting a relationship. You are better off moving on and finding someone that can meet your needs and vice versa.

Customer:

And after the play, is there any point in meeting up as friends or is a clean break preferrable?

BillLCSW :

If she has stated she is still in love with her ex- I would move on and make a clean break. She has, as they say. "a lot of baggage" that she has to deal with before she is going to have a successful relationship with anyone. So for your mental health, moving on is probably best.

BillLCSW :

Does that make sense??

Customer:

yeah it does. thanks a lot.

BillLCSW and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  BillLCSW replied 4 years ago.
Should you require further assistance, always feel free to contact me directly by writing "FOR BILL LCSW" in front of your question.

Best regards, Bill

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