Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
a painful situation for all involved. How is your son doing as well?
so painful and I asked not just because I care how you are both doing but to try and decide what will work best for all involved. Does your ex still want contact with him?
well i have several thoughts...
would he be willing to go to couples counseling? I know things ahve already ended but if the love is still there the it may be worth giving that a try.
if he is not open to that because he knows it is truly over for him but you want your son to have the continuity with him then you can schedule time for them to be together...it will be painful for you no doubt.
the other way is if it is all too painful then you can take some time apart and see how you feel and if it is possible for you to have contact with him
oyyy Why do i alwys hear that from the men!!!???
it would have helped both of you!
it is hard for men to open up and be vulnerable in that way
me too...naturally I believe in it.
it is only a good idea if you are not suffering in the process.
if it is too painful for you then it is not a good idea
that is why I suggested taking some time to see how you feel with some time under your belt
it may or may not be...i am not trying to play both sides. Often i advocate for space as that can cause one to miss the other and the wonderful things you shared
but I think because your son is involved it gets a bit muddy for me
if he werent involved I would probably be suggesting no contact as it is too painful for you.
what does that mean? romantically?
or just casual as buddies
so have his cake and eat it too? does that work for you? that is where my focus and concern is
me neither but he isnt being clear one way or the other...if you have the strength to see him and let it play out then ok
but only if you are not suffering and I am not convinced it wont be terribly painful for you
imagine you are intimate after a ice dinner and then you dont speak for a week?
and I understand all of that. Then if you can handle it then let it ride for a bit and see how it goes...I am okay with that.
there are no guarantees as you know
but the love is there clearly so play it out
do not apologize for anything here with me
when did you tell him that?
yes stick with it for a few days
let him miss you a bit
I think we have a good plan. tell me how you are feeling about it
I know...because you feel if you dont reach out he will disappear
you have to follow your gut and live with what feels right for you
Certainly its easy for me to say wait to hear from him and let him miss you but if you are in pain only you really know how and what will help you
I just dont want you to set yourself up for continuous pain if his idea is different than yours
If you need me at anytime please come back and request me
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Good morning. I waited for you last night to come back online. Would love to continue if you need more support. Earlier in the conversation we talked about some counseling. I might suggest that during this tough space and back and forth with him that maybe you seek out some counseling for yourself in addition to the support I am giving to you here. I think you could benefit from the face-to face interaction. Let me know if you desire that and if so I can help locate someone for you in your area. I look forward to hearing back from you.