How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1807
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
64783947
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

hi, coach jen! just wanted to check in and say hi...

Resolved Question:

hi, coach jen! just wanted to check in and say hi...
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi again. Tell me more about how things are going.

Customer:

Things are going well, I think.

Customer:

We had our counseling session on Tuesday.

Customer:

We had plans this past weekend with a few changes (if you remember, my husband does not like changes)

Customer:

And I was open and honest about them as soon as they came to light and he seemed flexible (for him!)

CoachJenK :

yes I do remember it all

Customer:

I think normally I would approach him with annoyance - as in - why can't he go with the flow? But, of course, that attitude was always met with resistance, so I tried the "lead with trust" deal.

CoachJenK :

yes because as you are already familiar with his style and he does not have the leeway inside himself to go with the flow

Customer:

where did he come from???

CoachJenK :

You're the write...you tell me!

CoachJenK :

:-)

CoachJenK :

**writer

Customer:

You do remember me!

CoachJenK :

Of course! Could I really forget?

Customer:

He came from a crazy family, that's for sure.

CoachJenK :

everyone brings their stuff to the party marriage party....almost impossible not to.

Customer:

I brought balloons

Customer:

And cute shoes.

CoachJenK :

and maybe he wasnt thrilled with your color choice but he accepted it

Customer:

My therapist said I probably wouldn't really like someone very outgoing in the long run because that's how I am. Do you think that's true?

CoachJenK :

I am not sure because that could end up feeling threatening to you. Let me expand...

CoachJenK :

the ironic thing is the very thing we are attracted to such as his stability, responsibility, work ethic, etc. that you liked when you were much younger are the very things that have you feeling bored although it provides security. So, I just wonder if you were with someone more care-free and free spirited would that somehow cause you to feel uneasy about security?

CoachJenK :

you may say no way, Jen you are so off base! that's okay too!

Customer:

Well, I do like that he lets me be center-stage, right?

Customer:

And if I had to be the responsible one (as in, making sure the mortgage was paid) we'd be in trouble!

CoachJenK :

yes! and if someone else was there stealing the spot light i just dont know that you would feel that great!

CoachJenK :

yes you are a writer! :-)

Customer:

i totally am, although i don't smoke or drink lots of coffee...

Customer:

and i'm social, which is not usually in a writer's genes.

CoachJenK :

why dont you write this whole drama in a novel..it will be a best seller

Customer:

that's what i was thinking...i even have a title!

CoachJenK :

but we dont have an ending yet..only the beginning and a middle

CoachJenK :

lets hear it!

Customer:

i know...

Customer:

"bless her heart" - because i live in the South - that's an expression they all use down here (basically when they are about to follow it with something catty) and i had heart surgery, which i could obviously incorporate...

CoachJenK :

lol. Love that!

Customer:

modern-day "The Help"

CoachJenK :

you know whats funny? I am a spit fire too and so we can match each other quite well and you get energized by it but I truly wonder if you had that in a relationship out there with a man if it would be truly what you want and need

Customer:

so, can i ask what your husband is like, personality-wise?

CoachJenK :

mild, even tempered..willing, flexible to go with my bigger personality....see anything?

Customer:

Ha...he must be his twin!

CoachJenK :

and no I am not bored.

CoachJenK :

LOL

Customer:

So, why do you think I'm bored, then?

CoachJenK :

Its called balance!

CoachJenK :

because I think it has to do more with acceptance for who he is rather than being upset with who he is.

CoachJenK :

I just really feel that if you left him and were with another spti fire you would crave the evenness and clamness of him

CoachJenK :

forget my typos they are ridiculous!

CoachJenK :

I think its time for a manicure! they are getting stuck on the keys

Customer:

I think you're right...I found that this weekend when I didn't fault him for having issues with spontaneity and instead gave him the option of backing out, things worked in my favor!

CoachJenK :

AMEN!

CoachJenK :

See, I know you!!!!!

Customer:

I stopped getting manicures awhile ago because between typing at work and the kids, they always looked terrible!

CoachJenK :

compassion goes a lot further

CoachJenK :

like I said...i need one....didnt say I would get one!

Customer:

ha...pedicures are much more worthwhile!

CoachJenK :

massages!

Customer:

facials are pretty good, too!

CoachJenK :

eh...too rough for me!

Customer:

How old are your kids?

CoachJenK :

3

Customer:

do you have twins?

CoachJenK :

yes!!!!!!

Customer:

Holy shit! You are a saint!

CoachJenK :

lol. It is an unbelievable thing but somehow we manage

Customer:

Whew, I just got tired hearing that.

CoachJenK :

two at 3....yikes!

Customer:

Mine are 6 and 9

CoachJenK :

same thing!

Customer:

You got tired from that?

CoachJenK :

somehow as moms we figure it all out...no other choice

CoachJenK :

lol no 6 and 9 almost like twins

Customer:

Well, the nine-year-old acts like a teenager

CoachJenK :

of course!

Customer:

So, you think I can be happy with my mild-mannered man?

CoachJenK :

I think that you can but you need to be happy with your insides and your space

CoachJenK :

if not it will be easy to look at his stuff as the only reason.

Customer:

Do you not think I'm happy (with myself?)

CoachJenK :

your compassion last week toward him was helpful...so practice more of that.

CoachJenK :

i do think you are happy but I think your restlessness makes you feel unahppy

CoachJenK :

when all you need is a bit of spice somehow.

Customer:

I've always been restless

CoachJenK :

having kids young ones at that and doing the same things day to day can get very tedious

Customer:

Yes, I tell my friends my life feels like it's Groundhog's Day...(as in the movie).

Customer:

So, I am trying to plan more fun stuff...get out of the rut.

CoachJenK :

it can be very daunting...same thing day in and day out and that is not your personality

CoachJenK :

yes but I would also plan some stuff to do alone....a girls trip...something that can re-invigorate your spirit

CoachJenK :

it is hard when we nourish others all day long every day

Customer:

Where should we meet? :)

CoachJenK :

LOLOL!

Customer:

Therapy boundaries suck.

Customer:

But, yes, I am planning some fun trips.

CoachJenK :

But also helpful at the same time because there is the safety to be able to express with out judgment

CoachJenK :

good I like to hear that.

CoachJenK :

Maybe you need to write a really spicy romance novel...that could help!

Customer:

51 Shades of Gray?

CoachJenK :

is that you? LOL

Customer:

Of course...the protagonist!

CoachJenK :

I think you will come up with more than 50

Customer:

I forgot to tell you all of the "rooms" in our house!

CoachJenK :

so tell me

Customer:

OMG, totally joking!

Customer:

Unless you think a playroom is wild.

CoachJenK :

anything you create seems to be wild

Customer:

No wonder I'm so popular :)

CoachJenK :

exactly!

Customer:

Ok, should I let you go help someone who really needs it?

CoachJenK :

ohhh you need it! So so being playful. you are a pleasure

Customer:

You use that line with all of your customers

CoachJenK :

only when i need to! :-)

Customer:

I would laugh if I read something from you that ended with, "You were truly awful."

CoachJenK :

could happen.

Customer:

I would put that in my book!

CoachJenK :

that would be hysterical!

CoachJenK :

cant wait to see your stuff on the NY Times best seller

Customer:

Thanks...I will work on it. And then you will have to break the rules and come to the signing!

CoachJenK :

Well since I will be co-author we will figure it out!

Customer:

That is true!

Customer:

So, what's the ending?

Customer:

Or should we milk it like the Hunger Games and have a trilogy?

CoachJenK :

until next time...you havent gotten there yet...but I know you will come back to me.

CoachJenK :

definite trilogy

Customer:

Ok, have a great day. Talk soon!

CoachJenK :

cant wait. It has been really awful!

Customer:

Ditto!

CoachJenK :

seriously. I look forward. Keep your compassion

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1807
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K.
Social Worker, Professional Coach
924 Satisfied Customers
Providing the Utmost Care and Support