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Howard Wise
Howard Wise, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 650
Experience:  Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.
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My boyfriend thinks I may have anger issues. I keep asking

Customer Question

My boyfriend thinks I may have anger issues. I keep asking him questions and he refuses to answer them. I had an outburst of anger a week ago because he did not answer some questions I asked that was in regard to another woman who, in my view, was encroaching on our relationship (always texting with him, etc.) We are now at an impasse because he wants me to resolve my 'anger issues'. I saw a psychologist the first time he told me this 2 months ago. The psychologist did not see any evidence of anger - repressed or otherwise. Maybe I do have issues and I'm willing to work on them. This time, what should I do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 4 years ago.
Hi, this is Howard,

I will be right with you. Please wait for my reply.
Howard Wise and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I'm patiently waiting Howard
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for waiting.

It sounds like you are frustrated and angry. You're frustrated because your boyfriend won't answer your questions. You're angry because another woman is encroaching on your relationship. You have a right to be angry about that!

Your boyfriend is trying to manipulate you by making you the problem rather than the other woman and his behavior. He's not taking responsibility for his actions. He's trying to convince you that you're the one with the problem, and it's working - you're the one who went to the psychologist!

What should you do? You should tell your boyfriend that your anger is justified. Tell him to stop trying to make you the problem. Tell him that the problem is that he is communicating with another woman, and that is not alright with you! Tell him to discontinue any and all communication with this other woman! Tell him that if he loves you he needs to treat you with love, kindness, and compassion!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Should I make another appointment with another psychologist? Should I maybe try to find out if I have deep-seated anger issues? What books could you recommend on dealing with anger? I am angry at him, because he has tried to shove the blame on me and I have told him. Am I wrong to want out of this relationship? Frankly, I do not think this is healthy for me.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I love him, but if his interests lie elsewhere, is it worth trying to show him that I am not the one with the problem?
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 4 years ago.
As I said in my previous reply which was based on the information you provided, you are justified in feeling angry about the current situation. Unless there is more to the story than this I think that the best approach would be for both you and your boyfriend to go for counseling because this is a relationship issue, not an indivdual issue. If he is not willing to do this that would be another indication that he is not very interested in resolving this conflict.

If this relationship is making you unhappy, if your boyfriend is not the man you want to spend the next few years, or the rest of your life with, leaving it is an option you should consider. Of course, that's a decision you will have to make for yourself. No one can make it for you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you kindly for your response. Much appreciated
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 4 years ago.
You are quite welcome. Please feel free to contact me again. If you do, write "for Howard H." at the beginning of your question.

Have a good night!