How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Santo B Your Own Question

Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 86
Experience:  Clinical Social Work
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Santo B is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My girlfriend of 1.8 yrs sometimes disappears for weeks (2-8)

Customer Question

My girlfriend of 1.8 yrs sometimes disappears for weeks (2-8) without returning calls or texts when we quarrel. This has happened three times already in the relationship. I have given her an ultimatum that the next time this happens, I'm going to breakup with her, but this was met with more silence. I had proposed to her in Feb and she accepted, but because I was yet to ask her dad formally, we decided to hold off wearing the ring until I did (dad is in different country and abandoned her at age 8 for 14 years)
What do you think?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Santo B replied 4 years ago.
My name is Santo and I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.

Hello! I need a little more info. When you say "What do you think?" What are you asking? Are you asking whether I think its a good idea that you have proposed to her, or about the father's permission to wed his daughter?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
No, I think her behavior is symptomatic of something deeper, not just maturity level. i'm worried I may have the wrong girl here.
Expert:  Santo B replied 4 years ago.
Well, unfortunately I can't tell you if you have the wrong or right girl. I am concerned about these bouts of time that go by when you and her fight. After reconciling, do you ever discuss what happens during her absence. You may want to discuss with her the reasons why she leaves.

Behavior is normally learned during and throughout childhood and adolescents. It seems she mimics what has happened to her in the past. I do believe that this "running away" is directly connected to her past and childhood.

To answer your question, you will have to look deep inside yourself and determine whether you will be able to deal with this behavior later on in your life. You may want to think ahead. For example, what would happened if she left and you had children, a house, responsibilities, and a demanding career.

People can change, but normally the change is slow and a person must seek professional guidance to learn the skills needed to deal with underlying issues.

So, the easiest way for you to figure this out is to take some time, and really think about what you want for your future. What needs will you have that must be met? Will she meet those needs in the future?

Make a Pros/Cons list and be as objective as possible. Marriage is a humongous commitment that should not be entered into lightly.

Lastly, you need to discuss with her that you are very unsure of this engagement and that you need time to think about what will satisfy your needs and wants. Ultimatums normally just make people more resentful, and will attribute to more of the unwanted behavior.

I wish you luck. Please ask additional questions if need be.
Expert:  Santo B replied 4 years ago.
I wanted to check and see if my response was helpful. If so, please press accept.


JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions