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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Professional therapist
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I have been emailing a man from a dating site for a few months.

Customer Question

I have been emailing a man from a dating site for a few months. At first we were texting. I changed my number as I was getting some nasty texts from a man. I gave the new number to the man I was emailing and he didn't text me. I've not had any calls which I find childish for a man of 28 years of age. I do alot of the work with emails and he doesn't start much conversation first. We have talked about meeting but it's not happened yet. We have some chat over email. The problem is that he tells me different stories on things like his friends and then changes it saying that he has never said it, things like that. He has started to get controlling saying that if I don't trust him it won't work although I don't see how I'm supposed to trust a man that I haven't met yet and hasn't even rang for a proper conversation. He threatened me yesterday and I felt quite scared and controlled to talk to him about anything openly. I'm not sure that this is a healthy friendship/relationship for me even at this early stage. What do you think? Louise, 28.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi Louise,

It seems like your instincts are telling you that there is something wrong for a reason. It is strange that he would have these stories about his friends that seem to change for no reason, and I can't say I blame you for questioning him about it. The fact that it blew up into a trust issue may mean there are some other types of problems that this man has with trust. If he is already getting controlling and threatening even before seeing each other in person, it does not seem like this is going to lead to a healthy relationship in the long run. He may be a nice guy in some ways, but if this is the way he is now, it would most likely continue to get worse if you were to eventually get involved in a relationship with him.

In this case it seems like it would be best to listen to your gut rather than trying to force something to work out with a man who has already frightened you. Good luck with everything and I hope I've been able to help you out.

All the best,

Ryan
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Professional therapist
Ryan LCSW and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I agree with you. I would feel quite scared if he got like this with me again say when we met. The closer I get he might start bullying me or intimidation even worse. Thankyou for your help.
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I've noticed that he's getting angry now into reply to anything that I ask. Thankyou.

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thankyou. I'm starting to think I must be going wrong somewhere. I felt as though I needed to ask more about these women that are married that he's friends with just to make sure that there wasn't anything funny going on and he kept changing the story. Then he kept saying that it wouldn't work if I didn't trust him yet all we have done is emailed and text so I don't know how I'm supposed to know him that well. He seems always on the defensive and angry even though I'm not intending it to have a go at him or get out of being with him.
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

That's true. I think that he may be reading far too much over what I ask him because even if he was hiding anything, I'm really not the type of person to judge someone. I was trying to find out more about him and his friends just to make sure that I wasn't going to get left for anybody that he may be close to that he's already got to know closely.

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
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