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Howard Wise
Howard Wise, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 650
Experience:  Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.
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I need some help. The love of my life and I had an affair

Customer Question

I need some help. The love of my life and I had an affair that started three years ago - and we both went thru horrible struggles leaving our spouses and causing separation and as of the past couple of months we both finally got our divorces completed. There has been a lot of emotions circling around the sacrifices we have made - the anger from the ex-husband, and the difficulty of eventually meeting her two 5 year old twins (boy and girl).... under the circumstances.

The question is simple. Our sexual drive (after three years of HOT Passion) is slowed and measured and we are arguing over positions, jealousy issues from ridiculous interactions from FB to other single parent (opposite sex playdates) . . . . The tension is thick and we both seem to be questioning our love and commitment.

How can we grow through this and what steps should we take to secure a healthy foundation given our shaky past and challenges ahead?

Thank you,
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 5 years ago.
Good evening, Tony,

It seems you find yourself in an interesting situation. Now that the two of you are free to be with each other you are experiencing conflicts, and a loss of passion.

My first thought is that during the period the two of you were involved in ending your prior marriages there was no time or energy to focus on, or even glance at, issues you had with each other. Now that the divorces have taken place there is room for these issues to pop up and be noticed, and that's what appears to be happening.

I guess I would have to say that I am not surprised that you are questioning your love and committment. Before the divorces you had the struggles with your previous spouses to bind you together. In other words, you identifed with each other because you were both fighting the same fight. Now you are not.

I am glad to hear that you have agreed to begin couple's counseling. You will find that meeting with a skilled therapist is a much more effective way to resolve problems than just talking to each other. Your therapist can help you to secure a healthy foundation.

I hope this has been helpful. I will be available to answer a follow-up question in the morning if necessary. If you are satisfied with my assistance please click "Accept" so that I will be renumeriated for my time and attention to your problem.

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