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Howard Wise
Howard Wise, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 650
Experience:  Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.
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Hello, I have been friends with a woman for 10 years. Yesterday

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Hello,

I have been friends with a woman for 10 years. Yesterday something happened with her and would like professional opionion.

We have quite a bit in common-- raised on farms, both Catholic, but we are on opposite ends in support of political parties. Yesterday, she returned a call and we got on the subject of the election. She made some big generalizations about my favorite party and I said that her party is stepping out of the boundaries. Then she got shrill and made two personal jabs at me. I ignored the first one, but she hit below the belt again with the second one and because I was stressed out already I got mad and told her that didn't want to talk anymore, goodbye, and hung up.

So, I am debating whether to salvage the relationship by writing a note of apology, or just let it be and we never talk again. She had always been pretty critical of me, but I just took it with a grain of salt, as my life is pretty messed up. Figured she was just being honest.

I am middle-aged but honestly don't know how to gauge a friendship. Do you overlook it when friends take jabs at you-- where do you set the boundaries?
Good evening,

Setting boundaries with friends can be a little tricky.

Given that you have been friends with this woman for ten years, a long time, I think it's worth trying to make amends.

I recommend that you write her a note to let her know that you don't appreciate her criticism and that you are confused as to why she behaved the way she did on the phone yesterday. Let her know that you value the friendship you have with her and that you are just trying to have a better understanding about what's going on.

How does that sound?
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