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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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I just lost one of my best friends, we were intimate for the

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I just lost one of my best friends, we were intimate for the past year.She's a very good gal we did quite a few things in the past year, went thru a lot yet hung together.There was something that made me react to her unlike anyone that I have ever known.She was different in certain ways then me, she was a career women an administration type that I could learn quite a bit from.I'm 45 she's 52 years old.It would be fine with us yet then I would have this rage of anger towards her unlike anything.I would tell her that I hate her guts then one time had her in a headlock after she relentlessly kept yelling at me ,another time sticking a rag in her mouth when she wouldn't stop yelling at me.I started seeing a psychiatrist again to find out a cause of reaction whether it would be neurotic or psychotic.Last week she returned home then told me that she brought out the worst in me that she gets hurt that she didn't wish to go there anymore. She doesn't respond to several texts that I sent her or just once I called in the past week as I'm not trying to bother her yet still like to keep in contact.I wanted to go have hypnosis done to see if that reaction would be quarentened from my mind permamenty.
What should I do in a situation like this do you suggest? Her roomate doesn't like me wants to get restraining order on me yet not her.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I'm Alicia. Thanks for asking your question - I'm happy to try to help.

You could try hypnotherapy - but I would actually recommend that you think about seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in working with patients with anger and rage issues. I'm not sure exactly why this particular person - who you appear to care about very much - provokes such feelings of hostility and anger, but you should get to the root of the issue to figure out what's going on and how to change it, and I am not convinced that hypnotherapy is your best option, at least not just yet. Try to find a therapist who specializes in dialectical behavior therapy - it's a very useful and effective form of therapy that was developed specifically for patients who have intense anger issues (even if you don't experience these feelings with everyone.)
You can read more about it here (the website also has a therapist finder so you can locate someone in your area):
http://behavioraltech.org/resources/
In the meantime, due to the experiences you've had with this woman in the past, it doesn't seem so strange that she would want to have some distance between you. I would honor her requests, and if you like, you can let her know (via email or text) that you've decided to seek counseling to help you with some of the issues that affected you while you were still in contact with her, and that perhaps at some point in the future, when some of these issues are resolved, you can reconnect. But I would avoid pursuing further contact right now. Best of luck, and please let me know if you need further assistance.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 592
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
Alicia_MSW and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Alicia,well did receive a text communication from the person mentioned above it was sent to my phone stating that she will not & cannot see or talk to me ever again .The reason she stated was "I bring out the worst in you, I just cannot deal with it any further don;t need to go thru all of that again. I get hurt also.".Well I did forward her this email two weeks ago.Well at least there's no false hopes she offered no fogiveness to one another either.Never had such a response from someone never knew I was so abusive to someone not my nature a small tragic ending in it's own proper perspective.Just trying to keep my head upwards

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.Thanks for the advice.. Regards, Craig
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello Alicia well I received a text from "Valerie" telling me Good Morning then "Hello, I hope all is well with you,here I'm doing fine". I responded telling her "Hello there Val I'm glad to hear that now you're doing alright...the door is always open".....well go figure at the very least I 'd like to exchange forgiveness so we walk away with a nod & wink.Well should anything further come about this you'll be informed .....I'm still properly procuring my situation though...good attitude good results...bad attitude...bad results! Craig
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Alicia I hope you are in fine health.Well I did get a text from Valerie this morning she didn't mention forgiveness yet the reason she feels like she does.Basically it was a couple really bad fights we were in like I mentioned the rag over the mouth when she was yelling at me,then one day driving home I had smacked her on the shoulder I wear rings on all my fingers in which put a bruise on her shoulder.It's the out of control rages we get into which scare her understandably.She's having trouble with the last incident back in February in which she doesn't ever want to be hurt emotionally or physically. The funny thing is I never had any intention of causing any physical hurt or pain to her. I never have.She tells me she just can't overcome the situation of what happened therefore she can't go thru it again. I'm trying to reason with her that forgiveness would be a start to healing then told her we would have to work closely together verbal especially.That she shouldn't go thru this by herself nor should I go thru it alone. I'm trying to do whatever I can on my behalf therapy wise.She lost her job in December so that hasn't helped either.I have asked her if she would like to meet for lunch in the next week somewhere she likes yet have left it at that.I don't know how else to show my remorse then doing what I have been doing.I'm trying to give her time to think things over as well. She has seen me a couple of times since the February Incident had a great time together not that what happened should be forgotten yet we haven't spoken in a month or seen each other in six weeks .now it's like well .........

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I have sincerely apologized several times.. What would you suggest at this point I know time heals most wounds? Thank you again so very much..........

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Craig.
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Alicia I hope you are in fine health.Here I'm doing fine. Well I've sent a couple of long texts to Valerie just stating the facts of trying to forgive or possibly even reconcile with one another someday. She has had issues with other people where she doesn't talk to them for a while.I'm just holding out trying to talk to her yet she should see that it's not just about her there's the other side.She needs to look at what she did wrong as well or she'll have trouble with whomever she deals with.As for me it has been said already.I feel that she could use a best friend like myself, I'd always be there for her whenever I could be.I'm heading to Africa on May 30th for 5 weeks heading to Egypt,Ethiopia,Tanzania,Cameroun & Ghana. I've been to 120 countries.First time in these places.Looking forward to it, hopefully will meet a witch doctor that might cure me..........not! Alicia you're a striking attractive gal in your photo my compliments to you..I'll insert a photo of me & Valerie in Miami Beach last Fall. Val is such a good looking gal....Well that's my day as the world spins.... Hope all is well Craig.

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