I have met approximately 3 people, all with disabilities, online and do interact with them on Facebook. It is a great way to talk to people but, like I said, does not merely take the place of intimate personal contact, not to mention all of them live in other states and overseas.
I didn't always feel this way, this emotionally vulnerable. But, as my dad, my rock, gets older I worry if I can rely on a family. I say this with all due respect. They have been there for me many times, physically. But, like I said, their track record is not the best way comes to maintaining my emotional health.
I did tell them my feelings of loneliness, despair and feeling isolated over the years. As a response, they have made it a point to come over more often. Still, when they come, they come to relax and be present, nothing in the visits are encouraging as I hope to get out more often.
You said I am strong, thank you. And, you said there are many people wanting to become friends with me... really? Well, I am not in my 20s and finding people to talk with and have fun with seems to get more difficult as one gets older.
I've tried going to various social website get-togethers but after three years nothing has come of it. That may be due to the fact that having to arrange and to pay someone to be with me when I go out to meet whomever can be challenging and expensive.
I know people have it worse off than me and that I should feel lucky to have what I have... and I do. It's just that I don't want to be alone as I get older with only family to associate with, not to mention that they probably don't want me around all the time either. After all, some of my family see me as a burden and responsibility they just don't want.
So, I have some resources to pay for someone to be with me when I go out, to a point. But, with my uncertainties about my health and living circumstances, I am very reluctant to go out too much, even though this will negatively affect my opportunities to meet people
so, I just can't be as optimistic as you. I want to do more with my life. But time after time after I get up after being knocked down, I've become more and more defeated as well as second-guessing whether I should even try again.
You said every time I get knocked down I get stronger. On the contrary, I feel I have gotten weaker and less confident in my own mental stability, focus and ability to prioritize what is really important in my life