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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1816
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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my boyfriend left me. he said hes sorry that the relationship

Customer Question

my boyfriend left me. he said he's sorry that the relationship didn't work out. i cried my eyes out. it's been quite a traumatic experience for me. i've been losing sleep, and can't function, and my brain is like mush. my stomach is so upset, that i have lost so much weight. i've been sleeping more than usual and when i wake up, i don't even want to wake up. i am living one day at a time to try to forget about him, but everything i see reminds me of him. i have been having anxiety and panic attacks. i haven't been able to breathe, feels suffocating. my boyfriend also felt hurt that the relationship isn't working, and he has turn to cuban cigars to help him cope with the break up. i was upset that he started smoking cigars to help him breathe and cope. we are both having difficulties coping with the break up. i keep calling him and texting him. but he seems to distant himself farther from me. its over! i have to move on. but still thinking and thinking and thinking about him non -stop. so today i will occupy myself with doing my own things. it's tough......i kept telling him. because i because sexually active when i was dating him. so now i have been using a vibrator to help me cope.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
Going through a break up is a major change in life the person you grown to love and was a huge part of your life has now ended things. It is a whole new adjustment to discover the person you are now and the person you will become. You will begin to get stronger everyday and begin to heal. But what i want you do to is to look at why the relationship has ended because in order to move forward you need closure and answers to why it has ended. I also want you to really think about if there is anyway that you both could get back together because i am here to help you and i feel that we could save this relationship if both of you were willing to be open and honest about the issue you have been having that created this distance. Some times people back off when their feelings get overwhelmed and instead of just opening their heart and falling in love they would rather back off then ever have a broken heart. There are many ways to rebuild a relationship after a break up and i am here to help you through this, but i really want you both to think about if this relationship can get back together and get back on track.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No, he told me it's over. It's time to move it. He texted me saying "He's sorry that it didn't work out." He told me to move forward. The reason is because we had sex and I was completely opposed to pre-marital sex. And after we had sex, I freaked out, and panicked and asked him to go with me to the doctor because I was bleeding. I was freaking out and he also panicked. When we went to the family doctor, the doctor told me that I was on my period. Well, after that, I kissed my boyfriend and he left me for good. He said "All he wanted was a kiss." I have tried to get him to come back to me, but he keeps going to his mom's house and he is trying to avoid me. Do you think its really over or he just need some space to be alone? He is currently unemployed and looking for work. And he told me that I deserve someone better cuz he isn't able to provide, because he is unemployed.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Has he really left me for good?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I do not feel this relationship is over there are just some things you need to work out that have caused some problems in the relationship. what has happened is he does not feel good enough to be your boyfriend he feels he can not do anything right for you. His love for you is so deep that all he wants is for you to be happy and have this perfect person. But what he doesn't realize is he is the perfect person for you. Just because he doesn't have a job doesn't mean you both shouldn't be together. That will change and he will find work. You go through tough times together he needs to know that he is the one for you and that this break up is hurting you more. You both need to talk about things that have happens and move forward together. You both love each other and i feel these things can be worked out. He is he pushing away because he wants what is best for you and he feels he is not the best for you. But he needs to know no one compares too him and happiness is with him.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
How do I reassure him that he is the right one for me? Cuz so far, I have just been telling him that I've been crying and angry and venting. And he ran away . What should I tell him? Or should I just wait for him ? Cuz one thing I forgot to tell you is that he cheated on me as well with another woman.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
Cheating is wrong, but i feel this is why he doesn't feel he is good enough for you because he made this mistake. He didnt want to hurt the one he loved but he did and he has to live with the regret of you being hurt, angry and upset. He doesn't feel that your relationship will ever be the same because of what he did, so he is letting you go to heal to move on without him. This is why you need to know 100because percent if this is the person you want to be with and if you do then you need to talk about what happened get the answers you need so you get put it in the past and move forward together. You both love each other, but their have been mistakes made by him and he has to understand that you are hurt. But you still need him there so they you both can over come this together. Let him know that you love him, but he made a mistake, but you can forgive and start over together.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1816
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I did tell him that I love him. And he said all he wanted is a kiss. And when he got the kiss, he left me.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I did tell him that I love him. And he said all he wanted is a kiss. When I kissed him, he left me. And there more I fall for him, and get clingy to him, the more he backs off and runs away. He told me that he will ignore me for a while.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i texted him alot .....and i was mixed feelings. i would be loving and hating and yelling and screaming. i was going psychotic. i told him via text to change his phone number and change his locks so that no woman will break the door and enter his home. which has happened in the past with one of his ex girlfriends. cuz he broke up with her and she broke his front door lock down and went to his room to lie beside him. when he woke up, there was a woman sleeping next to him.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
What's my other option? If I don't want to be with him anymore and I just want to live my life without him? I just sit and wait for him to figure himself out?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
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