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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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hi i know my girlfriend was physically abused as she told me

Customer Question

hi i know my girlfriend was physically abused as she told me herself but to what extent i do not know. he has been charged for on 15 accounts we have been dating now for 6 months. and as time goes by she gets very hard to understand. she tells me i do not listen or i do not care for her and such things. she gets depressed and nasty towards me over nothing really. i have tried to stay calm and to show i love her. she sometimes talks about what happened and it makes me really sad. and i feel helpless and do not know what to do as i love her very much. we do not live together and have only met when we have the time so at least i can be alone sometimes.i really do not know how to deal with this?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

Your girlfriend may be taking care of the legal end of her abuse, but she is not getting the help that she so desperately needs.

This kind of abuse, particularly over the long term , can lead to a variety of disorders as a reaction to the trauma that she has experienced. It could be depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or even Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Her fear of rejection points to BPD, but she needs a thorough evaluation, face-to-face, by a trained therapist who can then proceed to find a therapeutic approach to resolve her issues.

Medications may be a part of her treatment, but talk therapy is the most effective for her at this moment. Perhaps you can gently assist her in getting some help. She needs a gentle and caring friend, and it seems that you have the love and kindness to take on that role.

Be patient with her. If she hurts your feelings, let her know in a gentle and uncritical way. She will be sensitive so tread lightly..

There is no telling how well this will work, but you can only do your best.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear friend,

You must give her unconditional support and find a therapist that you personally feel can help her and somehow get them together.professionally. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Best,

Elliott
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i realy need to know how i should react ?
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
You must continue to be calm. If she has borderline personality disorder she might be very abusive to you and you will have to tread carefully. You might not want to life like that.

Right now, you must be supportive. She might not respond to you logically, and you may not be able to handle her. That is not from your weakness, but from her condition.

You want to stay and help her but you may not be able to or may not want to. She may drive you away. Some people respond better than others. You don't know her that well, and I only know her from a few sentences you wrote.

Put up with what you can. If she drives you away you have little choice.

I understand that you feel bewildered and confused. Mental illness can do this to you, even when it is another's.

Be strong and do your best,

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear friend,

I hope that all is going well, and you are finding a way to lead your girlfriend towards a path of professional help.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
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35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.