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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1775
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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I have been dating a guy for 2 weeks and we have gone on 3

Customer Question

I have been dating a guy for 2 weeks and we have gone on 3 dates. On our third date we were having a really fun time until we accidentally ran into my ex-boyfriend from 2 years ago.

I told the guy I am dating that my ex-boyfriend is here and I think we should leave. He said it was ok and for us to go upstairs not to be in the same room with my ex. My ex-boyfriend saw me and came upstairs. He walked up to me date and told him "I love this girl" and I want to talk to her for a few minutes. My date said it's up to her if she wants to talk to you. I was shocked my ex was acting like this and we have not spoken to each other in over 6 months. I was afraid that he was going to try to get into a fight with the guy i'm dating so I told the guy i'm dating...let me talk to him for a few minutes so he will go away. I said I will talk to him right here in front of you.

In the last week, the guy i'm dating has been acting very distant and said after he thought about it....he did not like that my ex said he loves me. My date said that he got screwed over in his last relationship because he gace the girl the benefit of the doubt and she was cheating.

Now, I am not sure what to do with this new guy. When I spoke to him, he said he really likes me and wants to see me. He said he knows I did not do anything wrong, but he has trust issues because of his ex and he seemed really down and distant on the phone. He said he was going to take a step back and we should take things really slow,, but now he doesn't call me at all. However, whenever I call him he always answers and talks to me. I just don't understand. It makes me very sad. :(

Last Monday I called him and we agreed to meet on Wednesday after work to hang out. Wednesday during the day he texted me saying he was very tired and if we could "postpone hanging out." I said that was fine. He never called to reschedule, so Thursday I called him to see how he was doing. He told me he was having issues with his roommates and landlord and was waiting for a call from his landlord. I had an appointment near his house that same evening so I told him I would come by for a few minutes after my appointment and he said sure. 30 min later he texted me and said he was having an issue with his landlord and would have to cancel. I was upset so I didnt respond. He then called a few times after probably realizing I did not respond...and left a voicemail saying he was sorry and that he would make it up to me. After my appointment I called him....he did not answer..then sent him a text saying I got his message and told him to just call me.

He still has not called and that was thursday night. I really don't know what to do. The last week, I was the one who called him...we made plans twice and he canceled both times...and now left this message. In all honesty, I just want him to tell me if he doesnt want to see each other anymore...I need to know because I really like him and feel bad that he doesn't trust me bc of the confrontation with my ex...which was completely random. Before that issue happened he would call me every other day and we had such a great time. Do you think it is a waste of time calling him...since he hasn't called me back? I mean...would it be ok to call him and get answers. I am fine if he doesn't want to work things out, but I would really just feel better knowing what he wants to do...i feel very disheartened and know he likes me, but all of a sudden backed-off. Am I foolish for calling him? I mean..now I have to clean up this mess for something that is not even my fault and I don't want to lose him. However, I am not sure what to do....

What I want to do is call one more time..ask how the landlord issue went and then tell him how I feel...and ask if we are ever going to see each other again and tell him if it's not working to just be honest and let me know. Does that sound reasonable...or should I just take the hint and do nothing...and move on. In the past if a guy didn't call me I would just do nothing and let it go. However, due to the situation in this case I feel like it was my fault...because of the ex and really want to work things out.

Please advise.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. welcome

Customer:

Hello

CoachJenK :

I dont think you have done anything wrong. Your ex overstepped the boundary and this new guy has some past hurts and he is protecting himself.

Customer:

I know this is probably all trivial...but for some reason it bothers me

Customer:

Yeah, that is what he told me

CoachJenK :

it is not trivial at all. you like him and want things to be okay...

Customer:

but now he doesnt call me at all

Customer:

I do but really dont know what else to do

Customer:

when he canceled our last plans and I didn't respond

CoachJenK :

because he is scared and in protection mode. You can either call him or send him an email acknowledging the overstep by your ex and reassuring him of how you feel for him.

Customer:

he seemed to actually get concerned and called multiple times

CoachJenK :

I would let him know that you dont want to badger him if he feels he needs to step away but you like him and want to see where things will go.

Customer:

we spoke twice about the ex issue and he said he wanted to take things slow and doesnt want to get back in the same situation he was in before

Customer:

but now he doesnt call me and canceled plans twice

CoachJenK :

he seems to need the reassurance

Customer:

but what can I do to reassure him..if I cant see him

CoachJenK :

then I would not call and let him miss you a bit and come back to you and let him initiate the plans

Customer:

I dont think he will call

CoachJenK :

he did last week when he got nervous

Customer:

because he is scared

Customer:

only because we made plans

Customer:

or I may not have heard from him

Customer:

its like he just wants to ignore me so I will go away and he doesnt have to take the rish

Customer:

risk

CoachJenK :

not sure about that. how do you feel about writing the email?

Customer:

I would rather call and talk to him

Customer:

I am not afraid to

Customer:

but I am not sure what is going on

CoachJenK :

ok I think that is great.

Customer:

his voicemail said he would make it up to me

CoachJenK :

and you can let him know you are unclear and just want some clarity so you know how to proceed

Customer:

but he never called back

Customer:

the day after the confrontation with my ex...i called him...he sounded really down

Customer:

I asked him if there was anything I could do to prove it...but it is really hard to prove

Customer:

unless my ex calls him...last think I need

CoachJenK :

yes because he felt nervous and retreated. I believe a bit of reassurance will go a long way

Customer:

lol

Customer:

do you think I am annoying him by calling him

Customer:

I called him twice last week

CoachJenK :

not at all...you are looking to reassure and get clarity....that is kind.

CoachJenK :

I know you did.

Customer:

so just ask for clarity

Customer:

meaning...should I ask how he feels

CoachJenK :

I would give reassurance first and then ask him directly...are you still interested in dating or does it feel too difficult?

Customer:

should I tell him it made me sad he canceled twice

Customer:

and I would like to see him

CoachJenK :

I would hold off on that because he knows it and i dont want him to feel any worse than he already does

CoachJenK :

I would say that you would love to see him and that he is who you are interested in

Customer:

I was just hoping he would have called me since he canceled and said he would make it up to me

Customer:

because before he always called and asked me to go out

Customer:

so weird how the tables turned

CoachJenK :

I know how you feel and I agree with you. I wish he had done it too, but he is scared and unfortunately playing out his last hurts with you.

Customer:

which may mean he may never get over it

Customer:

because he has trust issues

CoachJenK :

my plan would be to call him, let him know how you feel and then wait to see what comes back. If nothing does then you have the information to move on...even though it will be painful at least you will know

Customer:

Yes, I just want to know

Customer:

and to know I tried

Customer:

to fix things

CoachJenK :

Exactly. He is lucky to have someone so caring and i hope he can come around and trust.

Customer:

I hope so too!

Customer:

I will call him tomorrw then...

Customer:

thanks so much

CoachJenK :

i am rooting for you. Let me know how it goes.

Customer:

I will...thanks!

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. You are a pleasure.

Customer:

thanks soo much!

CoachJenK :

Let me know if I can help you with anything else.

Customer:

I will...thanks!

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1775
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Coach Jen,

I called him last night. He didn't answer and no call back as yet. Oh well. I am just going to move on and forget about it. I spent all this time worrying and he doesn't even have the decency to communicate. We had 3 conversations about this issue and I tried to explain...and he seemed to disappear. I don't understand why people act this way when others actually care??

Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
You have done a lot and it is disappointing to hear that he hasn't reached back out to you. I think you have handled yourself in a very mature manner. For whatever reason he is unable to hear you and you have done enough explaining and nothing wrong. Please keep me posted and come back to me anytime. I enjoy working with you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Coach Jen,

Thanks for your message. It's been a week and he still hasn't called me to discuss. Last Sunday I was upset when we did not end up talking so I sent my ex-bf (the one who is bothering me) a text telling him that if he interfered in my life again that I would take legal action against him and that was his final warning. Last night my ex-bf texted me saying that he misses me and wished things could work out and that he wished I would have called him, but I didn't.

These text messages are proof that I was telling the truth. Do you think I should try calling the guy I was dating once more and leave him a message telling him that I have the proof of what I said? I know it doesn't matter at this point and that we don't owe each other anything since we only knew each other for 2 weeks and went on 3 dates, but I hate the fact of someone just assuming i'm a liar and trying to hurt them. I really don't want anything from him, but for some reason it bothers me thinking he just disappeared because of how he perceived the situation. I know what others think doesn't matter, but maybe it will help him with his trust issues knowing that someone actually cares to prove the point. I certainly wished someone would have done that for me in the past. But maybe other people would not appreciate that. Would it make me look like a crazy person if I tried to reach out? It's just not right...you know? For him to treat me like that when I didn't do anything wrong. Now I know I don't want to be with him because of the way I saw he behaved and no even give me the benefit of the doubt. And I may be completely wrong and he may have another girlfriend or something and just used this circumstance as an excuse, but that's not the way I really feel. It all came crashing down after my ex-bf butted in.

However, I don't want to do something stupid and look like a "crazy girl." I just want to prove my point and move on because I really don't like what transpired in this situation.

Do you think it' worth it? I would prefer if I could discuss with him and just show him the proof and tell him that I just wanted to show him so he knows not everyone is like his ex-gf and that I don't want anything from him. Just so that he knows.

I don't know what this bothers em. I guess not having closure is the issue. Since we were getting along fine until this happened. He obviously has trust issues, so it wouldn't have been a good relationship anyway because something else may have come up in the future. It's just someone assuming i'm a liar...I don't like it.

What do you think? this is hopeless and pointless isn't it?

I also need to figure out what to do about my ex. He texted me saying..."nobody can take your place." We have not had any type of intimate interaction in 2 years and he won't move on. I don't get it.

Please help.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Hi. Glad to hear back from you and happy you received my message.
It all comes down to what you need for this closure...if that means letting him know of this proof then go for it, but don't expect much in return. he doesnt sound able to work through this space because of his past hurts. Sad because he could have had something wonderful with you. If you can move on without showing him what you have then fine....remember he has it set in his head the meaning so it may not matter either way.

In terms of your ex? Do you still feel for him and do you want him to be part of your life? If so then take some time to process all of that and proceed with caution. If you know you dont want him in your life as a bf then time to let that go.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
As for the guy i'm dating. I am just going to leave it alone. I think its my problem more than his. The reason is that last year my brother's girlfriend lied and cheated on him and it hurt me to see that happen to my brother. He was very naive. The guy I was dating told me the same thing happened to him last year. I explained to him that someone did that to my brother and I would never do that to anyone because I know how awful it is. I guess I feel like proving the truth because I saw how much it hurt my brother and if there was anything I could have done to prevent it, I would have. I suppose I am being selfish thinking that trying to help someone else, when I couldn't have helped my own brother would make a difference and make me feel like I was able to do something. If that makes any sense. However, I am not going to do anything. It just makes me feel sad that I couldn't do anything

As for my ex. We broke up 2 years ago because he wanted to get engaged and kept putting it of because he was waiting for his mother to approve. His parents are divorced (and so are mine) and his mother is very cruel and bitter. She puts him down and manipulates him into feeling guilty. He bought his own house while we were together and to get away from her. However, she blamed me for him "leaving her" (moving out). But I was not the reason he moved out...she was. She refused to speak to me and ignored both of us for the 1.5 years we were together. Wen he kept putting off the engagement, I got tired and felt resentful, that he was putting his mean, selfish mother's feelings before min. So, I left. I felt as though he sacrificed our happy relationship for the manipulation and guilt his mother was putting on him.

It's been 2 years...he pops up every few months begging for another chance and wanting to get married. As soon as I start talking to him...he gains all this confidence and then starts with the putting off nonsense again. When we broke p, he left his own house and moved back with his mother saying he can't stay in his own house because its depressing without me. I keep asking him to move bk to his house so I can see he's serious and he says not until I agree to be with him. Last week he asked me to go to therapy with him. I said I don't want to waste any more time going to therapy and doing whatever else for you, if you can't move back to your house and give me a proper commitment. I don't now what else to do. I wish his family would just go away. I care for him and we are fine together, but he has too many people telling him what to do and it seems as though I am the only one he is not hearing. He made his father call me last week to try to talk to me. I don't get it. Is this about control or does he really love me? If he loved me as much as he claims, why can't he see stand up and be a man and move forward without hesitation. I mean, why keep coming bk with these big promises, if you have all of these conditions. Why me? I don't know if I should talk to him or go no contact.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
It seems as if the ex has his issues as well. I dont think it is at the point where conditions are placed by either one of you need to happen at this point. If you still have feelings for one another then it might be the better thing to just spend some time together doing fun things to see how the connection feels and not have the burden of any family stuff come into play. we all come with issues from our families and we all wish things could be different with the ones we love when this stuff comes into play, but it just doesnt work that way. Its about moving through those spaces in a way that works for everyone. So, if he needs to live with his mom, irrespective of how destructive she might be, then so be it.

If you feel for one another still then spend some time...no pressure.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks very much. You are very kind and have helped me alot. I really appreciate it.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
It is my pleasure. Please come back to me anytime.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Coach Jen,

I don't know what dating is soo difficult. I resolved the issues from before with my ex-bf and he is no longer in the picture.


I started dating a guy one month ago who was introduced to me through a mutual friend. He is 40 and I am 32. He told me he has never been in a long term relationship - ever- and none of his relationships lasted more than a month. I asked him why and he said...things just "fizzle out" or either he loses interest or the woman loses interest. I asked him why he loses interest and he said it is because they stop having things to talk about. He really did not explain much. I suppose he did not want to talk about it, so I did not push him. He also told me that many women ask him this same question about why he has not been in a long term relationship over a month and it makes him feel that something is wrong with him. I asked him "have you not liked anyone for more than a month?" He never responded. Weird!


Anyway, a month ago on our first date, it was alot of fun and after that he called me every night to talk on the phone for at least an hour. He always called every night, which was nice because I like talking to him. We would go out at least twice a week and talk in the evenings. Last weekend he took me to Philly with him to hang out and it was fun and we had no issues.


So far, I have not slept with him even though he pushed for it on the third date. I told him that I do not get involved physically unless I am in a committed relationship with a guy and that we need to get to know each other better since we.just.met. I dont understand why men push for sex in the first week. Just creepy. But they do so I dont hold it against them...I just set boundaries. If they comply...fine....if not, we no longer see each other.


Anyway, he was still always very touchy feely on our other dates but never really pushed for anything. However, I know if I agreed he would have as well. We would joke around alot and one time I was at his house and he made a joke about me being "prude." I asked him why he called me a prude and he said it was just a joke and didnt mean to hurt my feelings. I let it go and was fine with it.


Last Friday he wanted me to come over in the evening, but I had alot of work to do. He assured me that if I came over we would both hang out and get our work done together. I went to his place and he decided to lie on the couch and watch movies and fall asleep. I really really needed to get some work done and told him that even though I really want to hang out with you, I have 3 hours of work to do tonight. I am going home to do my work and we can go out tomorrow night. My phone beeped as I was packing my laptop to leave with a facebook update and I suppose he thought someone was texting me. He asked me for my phone so he could look at it. That was the first time he ever asked to check my phone. I gave it to him and didn't bring it up. I went home and told him I would see him tomorrow.


The next day he called and started talking about making plans for later that night. I tried to talk to him about Friday night and why he told me we would do our work together and ended up doing nothing and that I hope he was not upset that I had to leave, but I stayed up till 3am getting my work done. I am in grad school and have finals and homework. He didn't seem to want to talk about it and told me that he hopes I appreciate him working around my schedule. We did not get off the phone on a good note and later I called him and told him I am sorry for being upset and to forget about it.


We went out later that night to a bar to hang out. He was acting standoffish. He didnt hug or kiss me as he normally did when we would meetup. I didn't think much of it. We were drinking an talking and having fun and so I wanted to talk to him about why he asked for my phone the night before. I asked and he got quiet and upset and said...I asked to see it and I was just playing around and joking." He said "you've been on my case all day and I think we should just leave" I said "what do you mean? all I did was ask you a question, so we can talk about it because it makes me feel that maybe you don't trust me." He didn't say anything and I sad "fine let's go." We left...and he didnt look at me or say a word on the ride to his house. When we got there I went in, packed my laptop and just left. He never said a word and I didnt even look at him or say goodbye as I walked out.


It was weird and I have no idea what was wrong. He hasn't called me and I have not called him in about 24 hours. It's funny...our one month anniversary was on Aug 6th. Guess my time is up with him. :-D Sorry for the joke. Do you think i am not seeing something in this situation? Did I do something wrong for him to just want to leave without talking. I mean he could have asked me if we could talk about it later. The only reason I brought it up was because I was hoping to reassure him that he doesn't need to do that. A week ago he told me he was not planning on seeing anyone else and I said the same. I just dont understand what happened. What is your opinion?


Thanks!
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I will respond to you in a few minutes. Just wanted to let you know I am here.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Wow. That sounds like so much to deal with. My gut says run and don't walk away from this guy. For someone who has great boundaries like you do I am surprised you let him have your phone....he was acting insecure and immature and that behavior is a red flag for you for what it would be like to be in a real relationship with him. Clearly the reasons he has not been in a long standing one is that he just has no idea how to communicate, respect and have mutuality. Do you want to be in a relationship that checks your phone or shuts you down when you want to communicate?

I don't see anything wrong at all with how you handled yourself. Stated simply? N-E-X-T!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks! That is what I thought as well. I will move on. Soo disappointing.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I know but you deserve more and deserve better. Come to me anytime.
Please take a moment to offer a rating of my work; it is the only way I am credited for my time and expertise. Thank you in advance.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello - I tried to rate you twice yesterday, but there were technical difficulties and the site kept giving me a message to try later. Also, about my question yesterday. I think it is mean that this guy hasn't contacted me to apologize or anything. I dont want to be with him, but how can someone just stop talking without properly ending things? Do you think I should say something to him or tell the friend who introduced us what happened?

I was thinking of texting him something like this....Communication is a key component to any relationship, as well as trust. It's obvious that you don't know how to trust and choose ignoring as a good communication tool. Guys like you are not worth keeping around.


Is that too harsh? I think it gets to the point.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello - I tried to rate you twice yesterday, but there were technical difficulties and the site kept giving me a message to try later. Also, about my question yesterday. I think it is mean that this guy hasn't contacted me to apologize or anything. I dont want to be with him, but how can someone just stop talking without properly ending things? Do you think I should say something to him or tell the friend who introduced us what happened?

I was thinking of texting him something like this....Communication is a key component to any relationship, as well as trust. It's obvious that you don't know how to trust and choose ignoring as a good communication tool. Guys like you are not worth keeping around.


Is that too harsh? I think it gets to the point. Or do you think its best to just leave it alone without saying anything. I mean I left without saying anything as well. But it was because I was angry at how he just cut me off and said he wanted to leave the bar without explanation.



Also, here is the message I keep receiving:



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Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I will send to customer service to process the rating since there were tech issues. Thank you for trying.

If it were me, i would not make any contact. for what purpose does it serve? That is how he chooses to handle things in life further showing you why he hasn't had long standing relationships. Hold you head up high and walk away. contact is not needed.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks! I just tried to rate again and it asked me to update my credit card info. I did that and got the same message. Please let me know when it is fixed and I will submit the rating again.

Thanks again!
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I sent it in so let's see if it can be taken care of on their end. I appreciate you trying so hard.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1775
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Please send an email to address this message that you have been getting about rating my work. support@pearl.com . They will be able to help you correct the problem.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Coach Jen,


 


I do have another question I wanted to get some feedback about. 2 years ago in my MBA program, I became friends with a guy in class who kept asking me out. I have gone out with him numerous times over the last 2 years. We go to dinners, movies and out in the city at least once a month.


 


When we first met, I did not really pay him much attention or take him seriously because he is 27 and I am 32 and because of religious differences (he is muslim and I am hindu). He kept calling and asking me out and I liked his company o I would go sometimes. Last summer in the middle of the night he texted me "I love you" randomly and the next day called me to make up a story about how his friend took his phone and was playing a joke. I know he did that because he must of been drinking and I did not respond to his texts that week about getting together.


 


We had multiple conversations about being in a relationship, and I asked him about the religious differences and his opinion. At first he told me he didnt care about it, but I asked him a few questions and he said that he wants to be like his dad and follow the religion. I told him I would not even consider converting my religion unless it was something I really believed in and at this point I am happy with my religion and culture.


 


In the past 2 years, we would hang out often and a few times kissed and made out, but not anything further because I would always so no. I think he knows that we are both not willing to compromise on the religion aspect, but I do not understand why he keeps calling me to go out.


 


The last few times I saw him, his behavior changed a bit. He asked me to have sex with him and told me that whenever I am ready to let him know. I asked him if he only want to hang out with me because he wants sex and that I was offended that we have known each other for 2 years and he is saying this to me.


 


This is what he said to me: He said Sheba, we have known each other for 2 years and I know women like to play hard to get, but you are like impossible. I want to have sex with you because it would be the best thing ever and I know one day it will happen.......I then told him that he needs to relax and if he didnt want to hang out anymore that would be fine because I am not looking for a purely casual or sexual relationship with any guy. He said...no..it wouldnt be like that and that he loves spending time with me.


 


I seriously cannot believe he made that statement to me. I told him I was not willing to do that unless we were in a relationshipand he hesitated and said..."well, what you told me about our religious differences...I thought about it and I agree with you, but I like you soo much...and am soo attracted to you...i don't know what to do" He said he likes the relationship we have right now.


 


The relationship we have right now consists of him calling me periodically like every other week or so to go out for happy hour, dinner or movies and talking, drinking and him then trying to make out with me...which 99.9% of the time doesnt happen. I hardly ever call him , but he always comes looking for me. I asked him what he wants and he said he doesnt know what to do and if I would just stop bringing up the religion thing and go with the flow that we could have a great relationship. I said...whats the point of investing myself if we already know that this will cause us major problems in the future. If we can compromise it now, we would be much happier and would be able to trust each other more.


 


The truth is, I actually do like the guy, but try to distance myself from him because I know these religious issues will surface later on and I will get hurt. That is why I do not call him. Now, I am not sure if he actually like me as a person or is just trying to get sex. We have been hanging out for 2 years and I do have feelings fro him and that is why I resist kissing him and anything else because I know I get very emotional with physical contact and am not sure of his true intentions.


 


I saw him last weekend and we went out drinking and I slept at his house in the guest bedroom and then we went out to eat breakfast together after of course he tried to feel me up and kiss me in the morning! I know its weird, but I always tell him to stop being silly and he stops and we leave. I can see he gets frustrated. But I also feel that if he cannot commit to a relationship, that I do not want to commit myself either...definitely not sexually!! Why do men try to do this! I am actually kind of disappointed that he is not blatently asking for sex from me. I know he has been dating and sleeping with other girls in the past 2 years and have not gotten into a relationship with them. He has not told me that directly, but I know that if he and I are just friends and we are not having sex, that he must be doing it with others. However, he always calls me and asks me to go out and we always have fun until the end of the nght when we are in his car and he tries to kiss me or ask me to come to his house and every time except for last weekend I said no. Last weekend we slept in separate rooms and nothing happened except for a little kissing.


 


I am at the point where I want to either be in a relationship with him so I can trust him or just not see him anymore because I feel that this is getting unhealthy. Last weekend I think he got a little upset because he has a male buddy who is hindu as well and I asked him if he would set us up since we are the same religion and since we are not in a relationship. I did that to see his reaction...he said hell no! I asked him why won't you help me find a nice guy if we are just friends and you like hanging out with me. He said it would be awkward for him and that he would be jealous.


 


Yesterday, for the first time ever I called him to ask him to hang out friday night....I think he is playing games now for some reason and I dont like it.


 


I was actually thinking to text him and cancel and just let him go because I dont like the way he has been talking to me and approaching me. The last time I saw him...he said...you're just a tease, but I respect you. That made no sense to me and I have no idea what to do about this.


 


I was hoping you could help me figure out an effective way to talk to him or some way to figure out what he really wants from me. I asked him directly one time and he said I think you are the best and I really like you alot, but I am not sure what to do about the religion issue.


 


Anyway, what would you do? Should I say or do something that can help me gain clarity to try to get involved or walk away from this? I really like hanging out with him, but then always feel bad the next day because I have no idea what we are doing. We are more than friends, but not in a relationship. Not really even dating. So what is this? He seems to like it, but what does he get out of it? Its def not sex! I don't get it. I really don't understand.


 


Please give me your honest opinion.


 


Thanks and sorry for the long email...its really hard to explain everything without the story.


 


Sheba


 


 

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