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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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It feels like my marriage is headed for divorce. Everytime

Resolved Question:

It feels like my marriage is headed for divorce. Everytime I say something my husband doesn't like or we don't agree on something or argue he always goes to divorce. He seems to be in a bad mood all the time which some of that is his new job and pain in his leg. He now works nights so he doesn't get much sleep and he has always had the problem sleeping and won't get help for it. I know that me not wanting to have sex causes problems and it has for years now. I don't know why I'm like that but I'm beginning to think some of it is his fault. I constantly ask him if he loves me and he doesn't like when I do that. I ask that alot because I honestly don't know if he does. If I say something or do something he doesn't like he yells at me, he sometimes treats me like I'm an idiot, if we argue don't agree about something or whatever he always jumps to divorce. Last night I must have said or done something he didn't like he went and got a book about divorce and said I was going to need it. I'm his second wife. His first wife cheated on him. I'm guilty of accusing him of cheating because there's times he doesn't even acknowledge I'm here at all. How am I supposed to feel when this stuff is going on. What do I do. I'm always afraid that he is going to go through with divorce and I can't live on my own financially. What do you think about the info I've given here.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. L replied 2 years ago.

Dr Levang :

Good Morning,

Dr Levang :

I am sorry that you are feeling hurt, scared, and put down. Throwing the word "divorce" around is not good for a marriage. It puts divorce out there as a possibility and a threat. It is hard to feel safe in your relationship with that threat over your head.

Dr Levang :

It sounds like your self-worth is pretty low too. Being called an idiot does not make anyone feel good about themselves.

Dr Levang :

Would it be possible for the two of you to see a marriage counselor? That would offer you an opportunity to talk about your feelings and all that is happening in a safe environment.

Dr Levang :

The reason that you keep asking your husband if he loves you is because you don't feel loved! Certainly from what you describe, you are not getting very few positive feelings from him.

Dr Levang :

Rather than saying he is to blame or you are to blame, I find it much more helpful to look at both people as contributing to problems in the marriage. Then...each of you has things to work on and it isn't a matter of one is right and the other is wrong.

Dr Levang :

You wrote that you have not been very interested in sex and that you understand this has caused problems. So that is you taking responsibility for an issue in the marriage. I imagine that your disinterest in sex is because you do not feel loved and cared about and so it is difficult for you to open yourself up to your husband in this way. Does that make sense?

Dr Levang :

To some degree, it sounds like you are living on egg shells...not knowing if something you say or do will upset him. I am sorry..this is a difficult way to live.

Dr Levang :

I see that you are offline right now. When you come back on line I will be notified. We can chat then.

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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