How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2906
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
64783947
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistJen is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Am really stressed out - please help. My girlfriend is really

This answer was rated:

Am really stressed out - please help. My girlfriend is really sticking the knife in to me. I've been seeing my girl for 17 months now and last year, I gave my girlfriend my old laptop. didn't use it for a while so I gave it to her last year. To cut a long stupid story short, my password XXXXX a friends name (not an ex, just a friend). The computer went wrong and she needed the password XXXXX my account to fix it. Next thing I know I am getting the silent treatment and saying she's had enough of men - basically accusing me of being interested in someone else.

My girlfriend is 12 years older than me and I feel like I'm being accused of something that I did 2 years ago when I first got the laptop. Please help

CoachJenK :

Hi

CoachJenK :

it sounds a bit absurd to me too my friend.

Customer:

Totally agree - its got me in a real state

CoachJenK :

I can imagine. I feel for you.

CoachJenK :

you do something nice and this is the payback. its an old laptop and you had a life before her

CoachJenK :

why she wont take your calls is upsetting too

Customer:

Yeah - its a long distance relationship so using a laptop helps.

Customer:

She's started changing things like pictures of us on Facebook etc to just pictures of her

CoachJenK :

ahh that can make things a bit harder and she can feel mistrust just because of the distance and not something you are doing just her mind going a bit nutsy

CoachJenK :

i would write her an email with loving reassurance

Customer:

we are planning to move in together but again she has a go at me saying I am not doing enough

Customer:

she can't afford to do it on her own

Customer:

I live with my parents at the mo

Customer:

I know she is only having a go at me cos she wants to be together

CoachJenK :

yes and shes getting nutsy cause she wants all of you and that is why she has latched onto this

Customer:

But the whole silent treatment has come just from the name that I used as the password

Customer:

can I send an attachment of a text she sent?

CoachJenK :

sure

CoachJenK :

women get weird...I am one of them so I can say that

Customer:

we're all different i guess!

CoachJenK :

yes but we get injured about some silly stuff

Customer:

Does she really want to split up over something like that tho? seems trivial?

CoachJenK :

i dont think so I think she needs the lovong reassurance from you

Customer:

text
Full Size Image

Customer:

I'm always trying to reassure her - she's been let down in the past by others, and I am determined not to be the same

CoachJenK :

She says it clearly to me in that text. When she says not helping my confidence...that we can work with

Customer:

She gets down a lot tho too

Customer:

I have never cheated on her or anything but I feel really arrived cos it was just a password

Customer:

*aggrieved

CoachJenK :

would you like some help to construct a lovely email?

Customer:

that would be of great help

CoachJenK :

ok let me work some magic. I am here with you while I am typing

Customer:

thanks

Customer:

can I send you one more attachment please

Customer:

this one talks of her ex husband who after not being together starts texting her and sending a copy of their wedding DVD to her

CoachJenK :

yes please

Customer:

he text her on thursday at 3am

CoachJenK :

I will wait for that before I begin

Customer:

I think that probably had something to do with why she might be latching on to this password XXXXX

Customer:

cos she wants to add him on playstation network/facebook despite the fact they are no longer married

CoachJenK :

show me the next thing and then I will work on something

Customer:

Full Size Image

Customer:

i've told her that the woman who's name it was was just a friend - nothing more... and i knew her years before I was with my partner

CoachJenK :

she seems to be a bit tough on you as you know

Customer:

yeah

CoachJenK :

This wall is definitely something from her past and sadly you are getting the brunt of it.

CoachJenK :

so lets work some loving magic....here goes.

Customer:

thanks Jen

CoachJenK :

Honey, I am so sad that you are so hurt by this password XXXXX I never want you to feel hurt....i want you to feel loved and safe. I only want you, I only love you and i will do whatever you need to show you that!

CoachJenK :

You should have all the confidence in the world because you are beautiful and loving and just delicious to me.

CoachJenK :

Please lets talk about this...it truly was nothing more than a password. You are my present, nobody else.

CoachJenK :

We will be together and we will live together and I want to get through this. I acknowledge your feelings around this so let me reassure you...you are the only one! I love you.

Customer:

I think I am going to handwrite that in a letter

CoachJenK :

perfect! You are a very loving man. I truly commend your willingness and openness

Customer:

Do you think it will take time for her to realise that no thing was meant by the password?

CoachJenK :

it could only because she has these past hurts

CoachJenK :

but hang in there

Customer:

thank you for your help!

Customer:

I will click on the accept button too

CoachJenK :

it has been my pleasure. will you come back and let me know how you are doing?

Customer:

I honestly love her with all my heart -

Customer:

yes I will

CoachJenK :

thank you so much

Customer:

Do I just log back in here and give the feedback?

CoachJenK :

yes

Customer:

Ok I will definitely do that - many thanks

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know its not the be all and end all but she's just changed her Facebook status to single :(
Oh no. I am so sorry to hear that. I am sure you will talk to her about it so please check back with me and let me know where things are. I am surprised she would give up like this without working it through with you. Hang in there and let me know.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I posted the letter this morning and I eventually got to speak to her on the phone too. getting mixed signals but positive ones. The argument changed to why I wasn't helping her out with some bills but then told me she didn't want to be with me. It got her angry... but she text a bit later saying that "does love me very much but is fed up of excuses about moving. She needs time and lets leave things. when she sees me making a real effort then we'll pick it up then"...
How does that sound for you? To me it sounds like the door is open a bit and you just need to work a bit to show her the effort. Are you up to the task?

Related Relationship Questions