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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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My boyfriend and I had a great relationship for 14 years.

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend and I had a great relationship for 14 years. Just After Valentine`s Day he told me he was going to go back and be with his ex wife. He still wants me in his life, but I refuse to play second fiddle. The ex wife is just beginning treatment as an alcholic and lost her husband last summer. Why did she come on to him and why did he rise to the bait? He told me that this has nothing to do with me and he still loves me. Why did this happen and what can I do about it? I`v been seeing a counselor for about six weeks now
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 4 years ago.

KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : I can only guess why your boyfriend would go back to his ex wife after 14 years. Maybe he has felt guilty all this time for leaving her, and now that she's sober, he thinks he should take her back. It is really mean to you.
KansasTherapist : Do you really want to stay in this relationship after this?

Part of me says this is worth saving. After I gave him an ultimatum of April 15, he has pulled inward and not talked as much. Should I hang in there until April 15? I`ve had trouble sleeping and concentrating. He has cried several times over the way he has treated me. He is to see the counselor on April 2.

KansasTherapist : You have been together for a long time. Since you told him he has until the 15th to figure out what he wants and he's going to therapy, I think you should stick to that. It may be hard to trust him for a while even if he does stay with you.

Yes, that`s true. H said that no other human being gave him as much love, support and affection as I have, so yes, maybe there is hope. I`ll wait unytil the 15th and then I will close the door. I can`t understand why men do this. Is he testing me?

KansasTherapist : I doubt he's testing you. Maybe there is something about he ex that just calls to him. Do they have kids together?

Yes, three. One of those kids has a drinking problem and my boyfriend is a recovering alcholic, too.

KansasTherapist : The kids cou
KansasTherapist : The kids could be playing a big part in his being drawn back to her. Kids seem to always want their parents to get back together.

I`ll hang in there until the 15th and wait and see. I just can`t understand why a supposedly happy man could do this. I believe he will regret this move forever.

KansasTherapist : I think you're right about that.

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX issue blindsided me. My therapist thinks I`m handling it well, all things considered.

KansasTherapist : It is so tough to be in what feels like a great relationship and have it fall out from under you. You have be stong to get though it.

Yes, and I hope my boyfriend can move on . We`ll see what happens by the 15th.

KansasTherapist : It sounds like you've already made up your mind.
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