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Ask-Rivka
Ask-Rivka, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 57
Experience:  Licensed Social Worker
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hi im having a problem with my partner where he watches porn

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hi im having a problem with my partner where he watches porn most nights while i'm in the bedroom sleeping and we only have sex atleast once a month. It desturbs be, i have brought up the issue with him and he says that i'm invading his privacy and that i cant be trusted. I have also asked him why does he looks at porn before we have sex and he tells me that he doesnt. i dont know if i should be in this relationship, its heart braking but i still love him.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask-Rivka replied 5 years ago.
I can completely understand why you would feel distressed and confused about whether to stay in the relationship. You probably feel like he is more interested in the women in the pornography than making love to you. And when you are having sex, you are probably wondering why he looked at porn before and wondering whether he is thinking about it then. I'm sure this makes you feel insecure and insufficient to please him. This is an awful situation. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel loved, who does not feel that you are violating his privacy, and who you can talk to about intimate matters.

I would recommend asking him if he would go to a therapist together with you in order to work on these issues. You could find a couples therapist at www.aamft.org or at www.psychologytoday.com. You could find a sex therapist (someone who specializes in sexual concerns) at www.aasect.org. You could also search your health insurance to find a couples therapist in your network.

If he is not willing to go or if you are not sure you want to see a couples therapist, I would encourage you to go to individual therapy to try to figure out what you want and how to deal with this situation. You deserve to be happy and satisfied in your relationship and I encourage you to try to figure out how to get that. Let me know if you have any questions.

I hope I have provided you with the reassurance and the referrals necessary to make positive change. If I have helped you, please accept my answer by clicking the green accept answer button.
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