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Ask-Rivka
Ask-Rivka, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 57
Experience:  Licensed Social Worker
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my girlfreind of 3-4 years (2 children ) says she wants some

Resolved Question:

my girlfreind of 3-4 years (2 children ) says she wants some space, time to think, i live in oslo norway and am Enlgish,
its been tough settling
she is worried about our lack of people coming over, mingling with her friends
goes for walks in the evening now
i think she just wants me in the house to help with the children, she wants the possibility of me moving out to be there and wasn't happy when I said I would never leave the children
internets posts suggests 9/10 this is over
physically it hasnt been great for a while
i have found some medicine for thrush although this could be for a few other things
she is also on facebook all the time, maybe seeing someone, could explain sudden change
doesnt look good
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask-Rivka replied 4 years ago.
It's hard to say just from the limited information that I was given. I'm confused-- do you live in separate cities? If so, where does she live? Does she have 2 children or do you have 2 children together? I know in Norway many people live together without being married (I used to live there), so I'm wondering whether you guys are registered as a couple who lives together legally. Either way, it sounds like there is some serious miscommunication between the two of you. You seem confused about what is really going on and you seem to be speculating a lot (what you said about facebook and that she maybe wants you in the house to help with the kids). I would try to really sit down and speak to her and say that you want to be direct and understand what she's really feeling (even if she says she's unsure or confused, etc). I would also recommend that you guys go to a couples therapist to try to work on some of your communication issues and clarify goals and expectations. Let me know if this helps you-- i'm afraid I am a little confused by some of the details... but I hope this helped anyways. Let me know
Expert:  Ask-Rivka replied 4 years ago.
It's been a few days and I haven't heard back from you. I hope you are doing okay and that my answer has helped you. If it has, please click the green accept answer button. If not, please let me know how else I could help you. Be well. best of luck.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

We live in the same city Oslo

have two small children 3 and 2 (nearly)

we havent had anything physical for a while, son always in our bed etc

 

My girlfriend has said we need a crisis meeting, in the last couple of months, exactly when I lost a project at work, the same day!

now we are in emergency , she has hit me with the bombshell. I am not sure I can love you back, really struggling with this commment

i suggested i move out, then the next day say no, I want to make several changes to make things better, cook more, help with washing clothes, even brought her tea in bed this morning which went down very well

we will go to a therapist on Friday, I booked it, I just hope I havent left it too late to do all of these things, believe I wasnt exactly sitting around doing nothing before.

trying to fight for our family, am giving her the space she is asking for, says I choke her if I keep sending texts of love, ok will let her have 'all' the space she wants.

would love to hear your comments now I have given more information

Expert:  Ask-Rivka replied 4 years ago.
Hi there- I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. The system did not alert you that you had replied for some reason. Well, I think that going to therapy is the BEST thing you could do. You will be able to be honest in the sessions and the therapist will help you guys come up with solutions to your problems and how to express your feelings more appropriately. You're definitely doing the right thing. Keep helping out as much as you can, tell her you appreciate her, but don't bombard her with too many texts, etc. Unfortunately it took this "emergency" as you called it to get help, but now you guys can really talk about what's going on in the relationship. Good for you! Good luck and remember to continue to go to therapy even if one week it wasn't a great session. You guys should commit for at least a few months before you make any serious decisions about the relationship. Good luck to you guys and I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX all works out.
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