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Dr-A-Green
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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I caught my boyfriend of 3 years with another girl at a motel.

Resolved Question:

I caught my boyfriend of 3 years with another girl at a motel. Our relationship was not great due to his self-centeredness anyway,so why does it hurt so much?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 4 years ago.

I think I'm confused...you are married and he is married...to other people? Was this boyfriend of three years an affair you were having?

I'm not judging, just trying to understand the situation.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes, we are both married. I never strayed outside of my marriage until he came along and seduced me. then we had an exclusive affair for 3 years until i got suspicious that we weren't seeing each other as much and caught him. Why does it hurt so much when he is no good anyway and there are 20 more reasons why I don't want him versus wanting him? I never wanted to marry him because there are so many things I don't like about him yet I can't seem to forget him and concentrate on my marriage.
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 4 years ago.
Well, it probably hurts because you had found someone that you could be intimate with in a way that you couldn't inside your marriage. The shared secret of an affair often has the effect of enhancing the intimacy a bit because of the stakes that are involved. It provides a feeling of exclusivity and specialness that doesn't occur in just a regular relationship that is out in the open. Losing that abruptly would shatter the illusion and be very jarring. I can see why you would be very upset and have feelings of loss, hurt, and betrayal. Can you let him go and allow yourself some time to grieve?
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