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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1675
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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This morning I texted him when I knew he was on his way to work. I asked him to answer 2 yes or no questions. The first question was do you love me. The second question was do you want a divorce. His reply was, I don't know I'm so confused about so much right now I can't answer. I told him that he did answer and I thanked him. He asked me how so, so I replied that we have 13 years together and 4 kids and though I've been mad at him a lot lately if someone asked me if I love him, I would say yes, and he didn't so that's my answer.


Edited to add: So I did it again, why can't I accept that this is over and just move on?  Everyone (family/friends) tells me that is what I should do.  He has shown no interest in saving this marriage.  He speaks in general terms instead of gettting to the root of what his "real" issue is.


So what did I do?  I sent him a text:


"I will put this on the table one more time.  Will you attend marriage therapy with me? Again it is a simple yes/no question."


After no reply for awhile I sent to him:


"Nevermind that last question."


Later he tried calling me...a total of six times.  I ignored the calls and left my phone in the car purposely.  I also turned off the ringer to the house phone after hanging it back up (I had taken it off the hook not wanting my kids to answer).


When I didn't answer this is the message he sent me:


"I was in class.  I told u I'm not opposed to going but I can't guarantee it would change anything. Thanks for answering ur phone. And put the house phone back on the hook"


About an hour and a half later he sent me this text:

"Nice u send this shit expect an answer and then can't reply or answer the phone I'm done."


My reply to him was simple:


"I'm sorry. My phone was in the car charging. I noticed the house phone was knocked down when I let the dogs out. I wasn't purposely ignoring you. However we really shouldn't talk as u are at work."


He never responded to that message, however I think he probably had to go back to class.


Oh, I should be completely honest with you...I also sent him this message:

"Oh, and I can't stop thinking about how much I love and appreciate having you in my life and I would love the opportunity to show you that one more, or many more times... :)"


No response.


So I've wasted my day with my kids trying to find a LMFT. No easy task.  I've found two, who I forwarded profiles to my husband.  One female, one male.  I have a message out to the female candidate, as I really liked what her profile said about her.  However I don't know if my husband will want to deal with a female, so I emailed the male.  I'm hoping someone has availability to see us next Tuesday as we both actually have off.


I've come so close to asking my dad to talk to my father-in-law, but something holds me back.  I'm not exactly sure what.  I think I need to listen to my gut and not get them involved.  Maybe if/when I file the divorce I will send them a handwritten letter.  A nice one though.


I have wasted enough of my day with my kids on this business.  Off to do something with them to take all our minds off of this extremely sad situation.  They have watched me shed enough tears today.


Thank you for your continued support.  I can't imagine who I would be talking to if I didn't have this resource.  Probably a toxic friend who would make the whole thing convoluted and worse.  I need to keep my head clear.


One more question -- I'm sorry -- Do you think he is only agreeing to therapy to shut me up?  That is almost what it seems like to me.  For so long he was like no, no, no...and now he says he isn't opposed to it...but he can't guarantee that it will work.  That sounds like he doesn't plan/want it to work, but he is doing it to pacify me.  Would you agree?  If that is it then I don't want to waste my time and get my hopes up.


Also -- I have another question.  I've read statistics that say marriage therapy is a crock, that only 20% of marriages continue after therapy.


Sorry -- today is a bad day.

Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 4 years ago.

Hi, I am a Moderator with Just Answer. I sent your requested Expert a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you very much. I appreciate the help in reaching Rev.Dr. Abbott.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Mods, can you please close this question? Thank you!

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