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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I have been with the same man for almost ten years now. The

Customer Question

I have been with the same man for almost ten years now. The last 2 years have been to say the least shaky. He works alot for a company but not near as much as he states. I have on several occations told him I don't like the way he treats me anymore yet changes for a week than goes back to his same non-caring unemotional ways. I want to be married and have a possible other child. He has told me if I get pregnant that we would have the baby. Yet he has serious problems in that department which he now finally is working on through vitamins & such. I am ignored alot yet I do like my fair share of attention & more now than ever going through child custiody battles & unemployment. He knows that at this time I struggle to live even eat at times. I live with a controlling man whom I once worked for yet cant move from without the money. I won't to leave him I plead with him to either let ,me move on,change his selfish ways or in the end I will leave. I don't think he takes me seriously. . . not that I blame him because I'm still here. I at this point feel extremely insecure and even think he is possibly with another woman (co-worker). Please help!!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.
Yes people some people do not appreciate what they have until it is gone. This may be the situation with him. It seems like you did do a lot of good things to try and work things out. Unfortunately we can not change others or force them to be or do what we want. We can just do our part, which seems like you took the right steps to work things out. Also, we can not depend on others to make us happy. If you have personal issues that are upsetting you then it is best to work that out, but can not depend on others to make change how you feel. However, with that being said he still does need to treat you with love, care, and respect. You deserve this in a relationship. It takes 2 to make a good loving relationship. Besides what you did to make it work like communicate, asking him to go to therapy and etc have you tried to treat him different. If not you can try to be more loving with him and romantic. However, if you normally are then maybe you want to ease up a little and give him some space. See what you can do within to be a better person for yourself and him. However, in the end if he does not change there is really nothing else you can do. Your only choice may be to accept him or leave him. However, take it day by day. Examine further deep within yourself to see if you can contribute anything new to the relationship or change anything further and go with that. If that does not work and you can not accept him then may be best to find a way to leave and do not go back until he not only tells you he has changed, but until he proves it to you. I hope this was helpful and I do wish you all the best!

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