No problem at all!
If he took advantage of your Dad that is different. Was your Dad not in the right state of mind or was he mindful. If he was mindful then your Dad must have lent it because he was married to you and you are his daughter. Yes, maybe a small thing got out of control since there was no record keeping. Did your Dad plan on getting paid back? If your Dad was not mindful then that is more serious. It would be best to sit down and have a long talk with your husband about this. If everything else is good in your relationship I would not say to separate because of this. However, if this was "the last straw that broke the camels back then that is a different story then you may need to consider that option depending on the severity. I do not feel you should get your kids involved. No matter their ages. They are your children. They have enough to deal with just growing. Keep your relationship issues between you and your husband just between you. I do not even feel you should get to deep into it with other family members. Communicate about this with your husband and Dad those are the only people that need to be involved and your Mom ( if she is still around. If not then I apologize). I think couples counseling would be good for the both of you together to get through this. I hope this works out for the best!
In 2006 my dad was in early stages of dementia. The fact that he called my brother and said he was concerned makes me think, like you said that my dad did this for his daughter. In looking at the checks he went to my dad at times twice a month. I asked my husband what he said to my dad and he would say he needed x amount for this bill and he said my dad would say he needed to get a handle on the situation , asked him what he was going to do. Not only do I plan to pay my dad back the raw amount but interest that would have accrued on that money.
Is this the straw ? This is so huge to me I don't know if it is the straw. My brothers waited 5 years to tell me about this until today, my dads 91st bday. He is now not in much of a cognitive state so they felt it was time to tell me what they found out. I told my husband had he been up front with my brothers and said, your dad has loaned me a large amount of money. I don't know the exact amount we need to gather the data and put together a repayment schedule I think we would have all been angry but able to deal with it vs thinking he had possibly taken advantage of dad, although he did let my brother know an approximate amount that he had borrowed. The real issue I think is we are wrestling with is if he took advantage of my dad or not. I do think the money went to the bills, as we sure didn't have surplus cash then so it wasn't mis-spent. It is just that he received so much money without any attempt to pay back or let people know that he and dad were transacting these loans. I wrestle with if staying with him validates to my brothers that I am willing to stay married to someone they think misappropriated funds from our dad. But if we divorce, what is the impact to the kids? Would that destroy their perception of themselves and their dad. I just don't know.........