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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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Okay so this is strange, remember I went ahead and told my

Resolved Question:

Okay so this is strange, remember I went ahead and told my friend all the tough love stuff? Well now he is acting like none of it ever happened! It's a bit creepy...is he in denial or something? I mean I would think he would have something to say about me laying into him like that. But maybe he's just decided not to talk to me about his girl troubles anymore because they annoy me so much...I was afraid of that happening actually. Any advice?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. L replied 2 years ago.

Dr Levang :

Hi,

Dr Levang :

My experience tells me he is in denial. Remember how he said he was hurt? Likely he felt some amount of shame for the behavior you pointed out to him and now he doesn't know how to deal with the situation. On the one hand, he misused your friendship, was annoyingly indecisive about what girl to be with, and on top of all of that he was down right selfish. When you pointed these things out to him in that tough love sorta way, that forced him to pause - if even for the slightest moment - to consider your points. Likely, he was able to see that you were right. So...what does he do with that? Does he come right out and say, "I want to thank you for settng me straight the other night. You were right and I just didn't see it." Is he that mature? Or, does he let it slide and act as if it never happened. Because he is "that" kind of immature?

Dr Levang :

My vote is that he is immature and not wise enough to know how to thank you for helping him see what he could not see.

Dr Levang :

The good news, of course, is that he has not written you off and that he wants to continue his friendship with you.

Dr Levang :

So...you have some options.

Dr Levang :

You can say, "It's great to hear from you again. I was a little worried that our friendship was going to end over our tough love conversation. Glad that didn't happen." In this way you acknowledge the conversation. And...open the door for him to comment on it.

Dr Levang :

Or...do you drop it altogether and smile internally knowing that he heard you, took your words to heart, and still wants to be friends.

Dr Levang :

It's your call...

Dr Levang :

Dr. Levang

Customer:

Okay thanks for confirming what I thought, that he's in denial....I asked him why he wasn't talking about what I said yesterday. He said he understood everything I said but he doesn't really need to bring it up again. I said okay and we went on with the day. So I guess it's best to just drop it...I guess he won't be complaining to me so much about his girl probs though. Hopefully because he'll decide to grow up some about the sitch.


Thanks again Doctor!

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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