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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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i want us to have mutal feelings

Customer Question

I asked the love of my life which is my girlfriend of 5 years why she won't erase a phone # XXXXX her phone of this person she had an affair with? How come instead of worrying or caring how it effected me she got angry toward me? I know they don't communicate anymore. Its been about a year since they supposedly spoke last. I really did believe she was going to care more about how it made me feel inside. I know she loves me but does my happiness mean that much to her. She says it does but I'm pretty positive that her happiness might just mean more to me. Dont get the wrong idea about her because she is a really loving and caring individual who would do things for others before she would herself. I just dont understand. When ever I express my feelings because she ask what's bothering you or what's on your mind, I learned tonight I have to watch what I express because if its a certain subject she will get mad and compare my past to whatever I express. In my past I wasn't the boyfriend she deserved I would go hangout with friends more then I did her. I have always been faithful towards her but I will say I she deserved better. But now I have changed my ways because I want her to know without a doubt what she means to me. I hope I'm not to late though. She does tell me now that I have become the person she always wished for. So my question is why is it so bad of me to not want her to keep that # XXXXX her phone? I know if the shoe was on other foot she would feel exactly the same as I do.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.
Hello. You certainly do have the right to tell her to erase that phone number. It's interesting how you say that she had an affair, but you were the one who made mistakes in the past. I'm assuming that her reason she had the affair was in reaction to how you treated her. In either case, you both are at fault for the past and you are willing to move forward while she is holding onto it a little bit. She should respect your feelings more than what she is for sure. She should not be getting angry, unless you bring it up to her in a confrontational manner and then she is getting defensive. I'm sure you have brought it up in different ways. You would not back down on this issue with her. You have the right to feel as you do. Make sure you tell her in a nice way that this hurts you and that you would appreciate it if she respected your feelings. You can also ask how she would feel if you had a number in your phone of a girl you had sex with, as you said here if the shoe were on the other foot,things would be different. You should also ask her why she has the number. If she argues with you, don't change the subject, just tell her you want to know why. See if she gives you a reason. Not that any would be acceptable, but attempting to get an answer could at least maybe get her to thinking about the real reason why she still as it in there.

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