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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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I have an online friend and hes gotten to the point where

Resolved Question:

I have an online friend and he's gotten to the point where he tells me a lot of details about his relationships. He's 21 and he is torn between two girls right now. Every day he tells me about how he is agonizing over this, and how he hasn't had sex in so long, or that he made out with one of them one day and the other wanted to come over but he felt weird about having her around so soon after he made out with the first girl...then to add to that he still has feelings for a few of his exes, who he also agonizes over on a regular basis. He's attractive and girls have crushes on him so he spends time with them, and that seems to make him more confused. I told him he is "throwing his feelings all over the place" and he should just follow his heart and decide who he wants to be with. I told him that because someone once told that to me when I kept having these serial fixations with different guys. It seems me and my friend are a lot alike. But i have clinical depression and I think because of that I have little tolerance for his ranting on how torn he is. I wish he'd just pick one and leave me alone about it. I'm getting so annoyed at hearing him talk about this, but at the same time I want to be a good friend and NOT blurt out that he's an immature indecisive idiot who needs to get his ish together. So I guess I am asking what I can do in this situation? :-/ I'm tired of being his diary!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. L replied 2 years ago.

Dr Levang :

Hello,

Dr Levang :

I'd like to help you with your question.

Dr Levang :

I like your spunk. What is stopping you from saying exactly what you wrote:

Dr Levang :

You are an immature, indecisive idiot. Get your shit together.

Dr Levang :

Absolutely, you are not his diary! You are also not his conscience....not his puppet and so forth.

Dr Levang :

So..you write that you want to be a good friend...but what does that mean? Does a good friend let you babble nonsense and not call you on it? Does a good friend let you play with relationship roulette and not challenge you?

Dr Levang :

If the shoe were on the other foot - what would you want from this friend?

Dr Levang :

Seems to me that you might owe this friend a good swift kick in the rear end. Seems that he's wearing you out...is that what you want from this friendship? Sure...we all have tough times and need a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. But...is he in that kind of crisis? Doesn't sound like it.

Dr Levang :

I see you have entered chat. I'll wait to see how you respond to my post.

Customer:

Okay I think you're right, maybe I just need to show him some tough love. Because right now he is just all over the place and maybe I just need to help him get grounded

Customer:

I'm actually talking to him right now...I told him that he needs to grow up and stop being a little kid (that's the paraphrased version) and he said I hurt his feelings and logged off

Customer:

But I guess he'll talk to me again in a day or three

Customer:

We'll see how it goes. *sigh*

Customer:

Thanks for your advice.

Dr Levang :

LOL to his reply about hurt feelings and logging off....duh...what does that tell you about his level of maturity?!

Dr Levang :

Yup - tough love is probably what he needs most at this point. He has some thinking to do and you're hand holding could be enabling poor behavior on his part...not that's what you were attempting to do...but that's how it could be perceived on his part.

Dr Levang :

Good luck!

Customer:

Yeah I think I should have told him what I really thought sooner...I was so afraid of hurting his feelings though. Well I hope that what I said will sink in...I know initially he's not going to want to talk to me...he's kind of a brat so his reaction didn't really surprise me. lol. But thanks though. Will let you know how it goes. :)

Dr Levang :

Great...you take care now!

Customer:

You too. Thanks

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
Dr. L and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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