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Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My ex got me an another girl pregnant at the same time. He

Customer Question

My ex got me an another girl pregnant at the same time. He says he had her have an abortion an want me to do the same. However I dont want an abortion and dont beleive she had ine either whats the best way too get over the emotional connection that I have with this guy?i know he is a loser but have a hard time letten go. However im not aborting my baby.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. You have the right attitude in knowing that he is a loser and that you want to keep your baby. Good for you. You know in your heart that he is not right for you and that he will probably never change. The fact that he got another woman pregnant shows that he does not care about you. The fact that he wanted both of you to have abortions also shows that he does not care for you either. he is probably calling you and sticking around for the sole reason that he is scared that you are keeping the baby and will eventually go after him for support. I would bet that if you told him you had an abortion, he would stop calling you.
There is no magic trick which will let you let go of him all of a sudden. It is going to take inner strength from you to be able to get over him. You are going to have to summon the will power to not answer the phone when he calls. You need to learn to be strong enough to stand on your own. You have a baby to think about now. Your focus should be shifted to taking care of yourself and having a healthy pregnancy. Concentrate on this and this only. Think about the joy of having a tiny little person growing inside of you. Try your best to concentrate on you and the baby and know that this is your new life now. If he isn't going to stand up and be a father, then move on and worry about yourself right now. I can recommend some books if you are interested in reading them, but you need to work on yourself and your inner strength right now.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I agree however I have been trying too let him go way before the pregnancy and for some reason or another he always comes around. He say tht he will be willing to take care of the baby. I dont know thanks for your help.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Did you want another perspective
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
If he is willing to take care of the baby, that is another story. In your first email, you sounded like he wasn't interested at all in being a father.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Oh dont get me wrong he dont want the child at all.and harp on me everyday making it clear he dont want the child but if I keep it against his will he will pay support. Its the mental stress of knowing that he really dont want it an the hurtfull things he say about me having it an traping him.however he did know that I was not on any form of birth control
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
He needs to realize that it takes two. If he is being verbally abusive to you and pressuring you, then you really need to stay away from him right now. You do not need the stress that the is causing you. Especially being pregnant! I think that you know what you need to do, its the action that you have to enact. You already have said all of the right things about what you SHOULD do, now you need to find the strength to act on it. While I think it is important for him to be a part of the child's life and it is possible that after he sees the baby, he may have a change of heart, you need to protect yourself and the baby right now. You should talk to him and stand your ground. Tell him that you have made your decision, you are keeping the baby and if he wants to be there for you and be supportive, then you are open to that. BUT if he is going to belittle you and pressure you, then you do not need that and do not want him around.

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