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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi. I am in need of advice about my current relationship of

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Hi. I am in need of advice about my current relationship of 1 year, 3 months. I appreciate your time reading my concerns. My boyfriend is a very caring, supportive, understanding, and loving person and I feel it is hard to find men who are this way. There are however things about him that are very frustrating and I can't decide if they are worth breaking up over. If they are not, then I don't know what to say or how to fix them.

#1 is he is always wanting sex and I am finding myself less and less interested in having sex with him. I am finding him less and less attractive physically and I also don't enjoy having sex with him because it does not feel good to me and he is not romantic. (He sweats profusely and this grosses me out) He is not exactly large and just wants me to hop on and do the work. When we do have sex it is usually out of pity because he always asks if there is something wrong if I don't want to and I don't want him to think there is something wrong with him (even though I feel this is true). He is very self conscious about his performance and is insecure. He doesn't want to try new things because he says we're "trying too hard" but I don't have the heart to tell him that I am not attracted to him because I know it will destroy his ego. When we haven't had sex for awhile he hints at it here and there and makes me feel guilty. I am running out of excuses and I don't see myself wanting to have sex with him in future.

#2 His self esteem (And he gets this from his mom). He will not admit to it but he is very insecure with himself and his relationships. In his last relationship his girlfriend left him for someone else. It was a lot worse a few months ago but he would constantly ask if things were ok with us and even get into fights over and it made me not feel very confident about being together. He overreacts to most things and is very moody. I feel he values his worth based on his externals (like is work and relationship) and not his core self esteem. Therefore his moods are like a roller coaster when work is good or bad and I am the one he vents to about every thing going wrong. I feel that I have to comfort and calm like I'm his mother. It causes me stress on top the amount of stress I already have with my own work.

#3 Cleanliness. (although it has gotten better) He grew up with having a maid his whole life and will not clean unless I mention it (and i am not a neat freak!) He has a cat and this ads to the mess. He got a maid to come once and then didn't follow up with her. He is very busy with work but I find him playing video games before sweeping up the cat litter all over the kitchen floor.

Break up or stay together? My boyfriend is definitely in love with me and I feel it will destroy him if we break up. I love him but do not feel I am IN LOVE but also not sure what that means. I feel it takes more than love to have a working relationship. There are wonderful traits about my boyfriend that I think are hard to find in a man and I can't stop thinking that I would be giving up something great if I broke up with him. We are both freelancers in the arts field so he understands what I do and is very supportive. He is always there for me. He talks about moving in together and possibly getting married but I do not feel I want either of those things with him. And then again what if this is as good as it gets and I am throwing away a perfectly good person (that i don't enjoy having sex with). We both love to travel and it seems like only when we go on vacations together are things much better, mainly because I feel we are in a more romantic situation. In a nutshell, great boyfriend, bad sex. I'm very 50/50. Can you help me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
How can I tactfully tell him I don't feel sexual toward him. Could you give me some ideas on what to say to him? He knows he is not "big" and I'm afraid he will take it very personal and I will upset him. I feel we are intimate all the time, cuddling on the couch watching a movie, we fall asleep holding each other in bed because I feel safe and comfortable. I just never feel in the mood to have sex with him. Does this happen to a lot of people?
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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psychlady
psychlady
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I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues