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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Am I wrong to end a relationship with someone who says they

Resolved Question:

Am I wrong to end a relationship with someone who says they are traveling to help take care of their sick grandfather for a week in FL but instead flies to NYC over a period which includes valentines day? She was supposed to return in time for valentines day but then asked if we could "celebrate a week later". I accidentally found this out when I looked at a friends facebook page and say postings which said were originated in NY. And then I was made to feel bad for lacking trust and needing to check up on her.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 5 years ago.

Well I think what this person did was not right. They lied and played on your feelings to feel bad for something that was not true. Seems like they were hiding something because if it was an innocent trip then they would have told you the truth. Also, if you found it by accident you was not checking up and you are not to feel bad for lacking trust because it is clear that they do not deserve trust. That is just their way of changing the situation and making you feel bad to take the attention off of what they did. I would say if you have not been together too long it is best to end it now. If you were married I would say try to get counseling and see if this marriage can be saved. But if it is indeed short term dating I think this is not a way to start a relationship. If this person is truly sorry they will prove that they wXXXXX XXXXXe and apologize admitting they were wrong and not trying to manipulate the situation. I hope this was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!

Jen Helant and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks. This person at first accused me of lying because she thought everything on her facebook was private. But I saw her postings on the wall of a friend which weren't private. Then she turned it around on me and said I never trusted her or really got to know her. She said it's ridiculous for me to accuse her of not caring about me. Then she said there's nothing she can say at this point that will make a difference so "I am done". In the end, why do I feel bad?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 5 years ago.
You are right. You have nothing to feel bad about. You did nothing wrong. She is the one that lied to you and was clearly not doing the right things. You accidentally stumbled upon this, so since you saw somethings that did not coincide with what she said you had the right to dig deeper. Also, you were not invading anyone's privacy because people have the option of hiding their info on facebook if they do not want others to see it. So I do not think you are at fault here and if she really cares about you she will realize it and apologize because she is the one that lied and did the wrong thing. If she does not then I would say it is best you found this information now instead of years of being together.

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