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Dr-A-Green
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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I have found out that my husband has been seeing escorts and

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I have found out that my husband has been seeing escorts and also has at least one profile on a dating website about getting a girlfriend in another country he travels to frequently for work. I have only just found out & he is currently away with work & I have yet to confront him. I am trying to stay calm as I am not sure if I want to separate or work to save our marriage, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope. I have two children, 6 & 4, and am 20 weeks pregnant. We recently had a confrontation about internet dating sites on his internet history & he told me it was just about the videos & photos some girls post on there as he is very into internet porn. He agreed to the boundaries I put on this & we have been intimate 3 times since then (within the last 6 days), however he was still very against the idea of me knowing his email passwords, which made me suspicious. when he left to work, I gained access to his emails & found another account he had not told me about, which had emails to a prostitute in a town about an hour away arranging a time to meet & also had 20 emails & IM id's of women, however no record of any of their conversations. He will arrive home late tomorrow night & I cannot hold this in, but I don't want to kick him out as Im not sure if he wants to work on the relationship or not. My current thoughts are that I will confront him with the evidence I have printed out (& saved on disk) and then leave to go stay at a hotel for a few days to get away from our home. I am also arranging an appointment with a counsellor on the day I plan to come back, and if he is not willing to attend, then I don't think I can continue to be in the marriage. I am feeling trapped & unable to talk with anyone & think that maybe a couple of days away might help me decide what I want. I dont leave my children very often however and am torn about leaving them in his care (he is a fantastic father, but is away alot & doesn't look after them for more than a few hours without me) & the possibility that if we do break up that he may use this against me later. Is it reasonable to want to get away from our home & leave him with the children for 3 days?

Okay - first things first - take a breath and just relax for a moment. I can tell by your email that you are very upset. Rightfully so, I might add. But giving yourself a chance to be calmed for a moment may help.

As for setting up an appointment with a counselor - it's not a bad idea, but have you considered setting one up for yourself first? I know that right now the only thing you can probably think about is confronting him and leaving in a rage. I can understand that completely. However, holding it together for a time to gather your thoughts and possibly to talk it over with a counselor might help you to cope with this the best way you can for you and your children. Is that a possibility for you?

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