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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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It wont be a good idea to ask directly, as this will put her

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It wont be a good idea to ask directly, as this will put her under the pressure to decide quickly. Otherwise as though she is very conservative and does not want to build a formal relationship outside the marraige, then the only way to remain is 1-To ask directly if she thinks of marriage at all? 2- To contniue to become closer to her by sacrificing my personal time and probably win her trurst. 3- For some reason I feel that she wont accept if I ask her to go out, either she is not interested or too conservative to go out very early in the relationship. She just limits the social contacts to work related contacts (which is her work) but somehow also has invited me out during which she is very formal but friendly. Nevertheless, it was not necessary to go out and my assumption was that she wanted to know me better. She is not abusing me becuase she repeatedly offered money in return of my work...



My question is mainly how I can figure out if she is really interested in me?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 5 years ago.
I am a little confused about the background of this. Who is this person to you and what is the situation? Thanks
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Sorry, I had to clear this out. I wish to build relationship for marriage. I am from a conservative society which does not approve premarital sex or intimate relationships outside the marriage. I dont know if she knows my intentions, but she is a person that I admire a lot and for long time wanted to approach her but did not have the confidence. She was in kind of trouble recently and offered me to do something for her in return of money. I took the chance and said I will do it for her as a favor. We are both busy professionalls. I am not sure if she understands that I like her and why I am putting so much time for her. Another counseller from your website told me to talk directly about this with her.

It wont be a good idea to ask directly, as this will put her under the pressure to decide quickly. Otherwise as though she is very conservative and does not want to build a formal relationship outside the marraige, then the only way to remain is 1-To ask directly if she thinks of marriage at all? 2- To contniue to become closer to her by sacrificing my personal time and probably win her trurst. 3- For some reason I feel that she wont accept if I ask her to go out, either she is not interested or too conservative to go out very early in the relationship. She just limits the social contacts to work related contacts (which is her work) but somehow also has invited me out during which she is very formal but friendly. Nevertheless, it was not necessary to go out and my assumption was that she wanted to know me better. She is not abusing me becuase she repeatedly offered money in return of my work...

I just wanted to ask you which direction should I take. I have already promised her to put a huge amount of time which is worth of her but if this really works and she understands that why I am doing this for her.

My assumption was that the fact that she has accepted that I put this huge time for her is that she is interested to advance the matters to somewhere. Just wanted oyur idea to see if I am not thinking very oddly.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 5 years ago.
Okay, Thank you I do understand better now. I think just because she accepted your time and favors it does not mean she wants to move forward. People accept things even for the wrong reasons. However, that being said it does not mean she is not interested in you. Sounds like you are both very conservative, so I think you should take it that route. Do not put her on the spot, but you should let her know exactly how you feel. Also, let her know that you do not want anything outside of marriage and do not want to put pressure on her. Let her know you just needed her to know. Let her know exactly how you feel and what you want. Then give her time to take it all in and see what she says. Does not mean you both need to change your conservative ways, but at least you will know if she does want to get to know you better instead of guessing. The worst that can happen is that you will start a relationship of getting to know each other better or you will find out she just likes you as a friend. I think it is important to let her know how you feel since you like her a lot and want more than a friendship. Do not feel worried about putting her on the spot. Make it clear that you do not except an answer right away and will giver her time to think about how she feels and what she wants. I hope this was helpful! I wish you all the best!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
The point is that If I do it right away, I will lose the chance of winnig her attention and heart. If I wait and only indirectly tell her that how much I admire her and try to invest my time on her, then she would trust me better; by knowing that I am caring for her future and for her plans and try to help her out. We have just met each other 3-4 times. If I tell her right away that what I really think, then she might not even giving me this chance. I always thought that women very quickly understand these. Why I should do somehing very extraordinary for someone whom I dont like or whom I dont think ofseriously as a life time partner. Does not my acts translate to what I think and what I feel?
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 5 years ago.
Yes, actions do speak louder than words. She may know that you care for her because of that, but what I meant was that will not determine how she feels because people accept things for different reasons. However, since you just met 3-4 times then I agree with you that it would be good to show her through actions and let her trust you more before letting her know how you feel. That way she can see you are real in time. Then when you feel the time is right you should then approach her. I think that is a good plan. I did not know you only met her a few times. I think that is best as well!
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