How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
52358615
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi...so met my bf online (very soon, 3 months after he divorced

Resolved Question:

Hi...so met my bf online (very soon, 3 months after he divorced his wife) we had a really good thing going online, then we decided to meet and the physical attraction was def there. Dating was really fun and varied. We kissed after 3 weeks and sex after about 2 months. After 15mths we moved in together, he moved to be with me as this was more practical work wise, Now he is exyremely happy and loves me sooo much. However he is my first boyfriend he's 35 me 32. I am now at a stage where the honeymoon period is over, I enjoy living with him but also enjoy it when he is out at work. The past two week i've had a anxious sort of feeling when he touches me and I nudge him off and I really can't even look him in the face. He goes to kiss me and I turn my head. I can often feel quite bored and depressed when i'm with him and can cry for hours. But then I can be with friends or at work and go back to my happy go lucky self.

A few points to add ...I'm rather overweight and i've been trying to diet but failing, he's supportive but not bothered about my weight.

I've been given my notice and need to find a new job

since moving in together my outgoing sare far more and i'm struggling with money and well into my overdraft.

Just wandering if these few factors are creating stress etc and i'm taking it out on him.

One last thing... previous to this I couldnt wait to get home from work to see him or for him to come in( he does shifts, which still make me feel unsettled as each week on a shift and is on a four week rota. So with this feeling a little confused as I don't know if I still love him. If I put scenarios about us finishing etc I don't seem to flinch.

any advice much appreicated???
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

You need to make a distinction between a relationship where the passion phase has ended and a relationship that is not working. You should examine whether some issues related to your weight has an influence on whether you really want to be with him. You shouldn't be in a relationship because you feel you can't do better. You are not experienced in love and you may want to consider that your actions do not say that you love him. Sometimes our actions speak louder. You don't seem happy with him so this seems a major sign that the relationship may not be what you need it to be. The only person who knows if you are in love but question whether you are in love with the idea of being in love. No one can tell you these answers. You have to examine your feelings and be honest with yourself. Love usually doesn't mean that you don't want to be around each other. If this is just because the passionate stage has passed that is okay. That is bound to happen. You can't expect story book love. Reality is that you get comfortable around each other and you don't have the passion that you had day one.

 

Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
psychlady
psychlady
Counselor
6886 Satisfied Customers
I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues