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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2907
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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So I was supposed to see my boyfriend for most of this weekend,

Resolved Question:

So I was supposed to see my boyfriend for most of this weekend, we had plans for Saturday and Sunday. And we've been trying to see each other more as I've mentioned instead of talking on the phone. So then he calls me this morning and is like im proud that you didnt need to call me yesterday, but btw about our sat/sun plans, i want to go skiing instead since my friends are going. So he ditched me & I'm really upset, at the same time I'm thinking should i be supportive or is it ok to be upset?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 years ago.

CoachJenK :

You are entitled to your feelings for sure, but I think you would do well to be supportive and say although I am bummed cause i would love to see you this weekend, I hope you have a great time skiing with the boys.

CoachJenK :

Can you do that?

CoachJenK :

Then you go for a massage, mani-pedi and movie night with the girls!

Customer:

i know that i can say that

Customer:

but i still feel upset

Customer:

i get its a great weekend to go skiing because there's fresh snow

Customer:

but his first incling was to ditch me this weekend

Customer:

and he's like i get your upset, i'll make it up to you, but i really still think its unfair

CoachJenK :

i know you are and its ok but you gotta give him some space or else he will just feel suffocated

CoachJenK :

dont think of it as he is ditching you think of it in terms of the snow!

Customer:

im not stopping him from going though

CoachJenK :

good girl

Customer:

but its still not ok and i cant pretend like it is

CoachJenK :

but sont make it so impossible for him beforehand

Customer:

i just keep feeling like i always have to give up what i want so that he's happy

Customer:

so that he can have his time away

Customer:

but what about me, i doesnt feel like he even considered my feelings

CoachJenK :

i know you feel that waqy but you havent really this is a new space and if it gets to the point where it is happening more and more then we can talk about it and see where to go from there but right now lets let it ride

CoachJenK :

you can be happy too this weekend

CoachJenK :

you dont have to be miserable.

Customer:

i know i can be happy too

Customer:

but i just feel neglected, first its talking on the phone, we don't do that anymore minus him telling me that he wants to ditch me

CoachJenK :

good thats what i want for you that if he goes skiing or is at a party with friends that you can still feel great in the world

Customer:

and now its our time

CoachJenK :

at some point it will make it clear to you if this is enough and if he is for you based on what he can give and if you need more then you will know and we can talk about it

Customer:

ok thanks

CoachJenK :

do something great this weekend for yourself

Customer:

will do

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