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Dr-A-Green
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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Hi! I think it might be me feeling paranoid and insecure.

Resolved Question:

Hi! I think it might be me feeling paranoid and insecure. I have feelings about my partner that probably seem mad and irrational. I think he may have a problem with sex addiction. He is a very private man and has not been in a relationship for many years until he met me but I know he spent alot of time masturbating and visiting social network sites. He is always looking at other women and when he is with me he always want to partcipate in sex and can become very angry and irritable if I decline. He is a lovely man but even though I have been with him for nearly three years I really dont think I know him very well. He always seems very secretive. When I do try and tell him how I feel - I have never said I thought he was a sex addict but I tell him I sometimes feel very insecure and I don't like it when he looks at other women when I am with him he just gets very angry. He does have a problem ejaculating with me but I know he is able to when he masturbates although he tells me not all the time. He says he loves me and wants to be with me and that everything I am thinking is all in my head - please help
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 4 years ago.
It sounds like there may be some issues there. After 4 years one would hope that he could have an open discussion about his sexual proclivities. However, I suppose it depends on the tone of the conversation too. How do you approach the topic? Is there a way for you to approach it (with interest) where he might be willing to share more?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
We took talk at least I talk and he usually shouts and just gets angry. He has always had a high sex drive with me and most of the time that is fine but sometimes I feel that is only what he wants or is leading up to. I would like to spend time doing other things sometimes but then I hate going out with him because his eye's are wandering all the time and it makes me feel uncomfortable and not good enough. Sometimes when I ask what he has been doing during the day he thinks I am checking up on him and becomes very defensive. I would say that although I have at times admitted to feeling insecure about him. I do not check up on him or make accusations etc. I just tell him how I feel.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
I am about to go round to see my partner now and we had an argument last night - he had just bought an internet phone and I feel so concerned that he is going to start using porn websites again. I love him but I dont feel I can cope with this please see previous questions
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
I am about to go round to see my partner now and we had an argument last night - he had just bought an internet phone and I feel so concerned that he is going to start using porn websites again. I love him but I dont feel I can cope with this please see previous questions
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 4 years ago.

Okay - it sounds like you have done what you can do in terms of talking it out with him then. If there is a fundamental difference in your sex life, there may not be much you can do outside of couples therapy.

I will open the question to others, as they may have better suggestions.

Thanks!

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Its not so much that their is a big gap between our sex lives. It is more that I feel he is using internet sites and checking other women out too much. It is obviously healthy for a man to look at good looking women and I don't have a problem with that. But I provide him with a full sex life but it doesn't seem good enough or even enough for him - coud he be a sex addict? sometimes I think he thinks of nothing else - is this normal am I just being too insecure and paranoid and let him get on with his porn etc.?
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 4 years ago.
Honestly, there is no way for me to tell, although I will say that pornography viewing is not outside the norm, nor is an occasional wandering eye. Even men with very full and satisfying sex lives occasionally look at porn - again, I don't think this is abnormal. However, true sex addicts will engage in the activity to the detriment of relationships, work, etc. If this is what is happening, then maybe he does have a problem and should consider getting help for it.
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