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JaRee1993
JaRee1993, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 180
Experience:  I am a licensed Mental Health Counselor who does individual, group, relationships, family and pastoral counseling
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My partner had a two year affair 8 years ago - although time

Resolved Question:

My partner had a two year affair 8 years ago - although time has healed some of the hurt, every now and then it flairs up like a fresh wound. My partner is really fed up and will probably end up leaving. How can i forget it ?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JaRee1993 replied 2 years ago.

JaRee1993 :

Hi, Thank you for contacting Just Answer. My name is Ja`Ree and I am a mental health counselor. How long were you in counseling and did it help at the time?


 

Customer:

For about 3 mths - it helped a little

JaRee1993 :

Has he given you any reason to doubt him since? Is there something in particular that brings it up and do you confront him when it comes up for you?

Customer:

No things have changed a lot since then, we have had more children and we are probably happier and more settled than ever. We have been together since the age of 17 (now 22 years in total). He has been my only partner, I feel v cheated that i have been faithful and he has been my only partner. Im not sure what i am trying to achieve from bringing it up and getting nasty but sometimes the anger comes out again.

JaRee1993 :

It really sounds to me as though you need to find someone to talk to on a regular basis again to assist you with working through your feelings and letting go of the past. It is not an easy thing to do, however, if you cannot forgive and let it go, you could truly end up losing him. Maybe the two of you could do counseling together. Would you consider seeing someone again to save your marriage?

Customer:

I dont think he would be keen as it was a v long drawn out process and he cannot bare to even talk about it even more. Small details pop into my head and before i know it im arguing with him or sending him nasty text messages. Is this normal behaviour?

JaRee1993 :

It is normal if you have not worked through it and forgiven and it will destroy your marriage. It is not normal for it to still be causing this kind of pain and behavior after all this time if your marriage is as good as you are telling me it is. Will you consider finding someone to help you with this? It sounds as though the feelings run so deep you cannot change it on your own.

Customer:

I am starting counselling on my own soon but i need to decide what type is required as there are many different types - i think CBT would be useful would you agree or recommend any other type? Also do you know if more relationships survive affairs than do not ?

JaRee1993 :

I utilize CBT most in my counseling, with couples I also teach communication and assertiveness to assist the couple in being able to talk and hear one another. I cannot tell you if more marriage survive affairs or not. I can tell you that the ones who chose to forgive and really work on the marriage say that the marriage has gotten even better than it was before the affair. I hope that you follow through with the counseling for it sounds as though you have a marriage worth saving. Also, forgiving and letting go will set you free to enjoy your marriage and your life in ways you cannot imagine and you deserve that kind of freedom.


Please let me know if I can assist you further in this. If this answer has helped you then please press the Accept button at the bottom of the page so that I can be paid by Just Answer. Also, please fill out the feedback form so that I can know how to better serve our customers. Again, thank you for contacting Just Answer. Ja`Ree

Customer:

Thank you it has been encouraging.

JaRee1993, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 180
Experience: I am a licensed Mental Health Counselor who does individual, group, relationships, family and pastoral counseling
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JaRee1993
JaRee1993
Mental Health Counselor
32 Satisfied Customers
I am a licensed Mental Health Counselor who does individual, group, relationships, family and pastoral counseling