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Ask Ashley, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience:  Having built my reputation in this area of expertise, I have conducted workshops on relationships. Let's discuss your issues.
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Should I tell her I miss her? My girlfriend and I have been

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Should I tell her I miss her?
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about two months and are giving each other some space cause she said we were moving too fast.. (which is true. I saw it and didn't act..) plus I was doing a few things that I needed to tone down on. I have eased WAY up, giving her space, barely texting, doing my own thing, not seeming needy, and I believe it's helped a lot. She still texts me and with the space I have given her (doing all these things on my own.. not like telling her I will. that would be odd) she started asking me what I'm up to and texting me until late at night.. sounding more like the one who is wanting to talk more, but can tell I'm going to bed or busy. Like; I'll throw in the "okay, have a great night. sweet dreams" earlier than before. She'll still say more.. today sounding like it threw her off.. like I seemed busy cause I told her I was doing some things online (looking for new apt) and she said, "alright well I'll let you go" ..
My question is.. everything I'm doing (and there's more to it than I've said) is seeming to slowly fix the relationship, but it's been a week now (as of tonight) that she's stayed over.. should I tell her in some way that I miss her being over? like not exactly referring to sex.. more like the company of her with me in bed.. close. ..and also; should I 100% wait until she asks to come over and not bring it up at all? Tonight I told her via text, "I miss you... hope you know you're always welcome at my place" but she replied with "well thank you" :| what does that mean? I felt like things were getting better, but she hasn't said anything really relationship-like in about a week.. it's all neutral text. Like she thinks of me (cause I got a text from her literally like 4 mins after she got off work), but she won't add any "xoxo" or "sweetie" "hun" etc.. should I keep doing what I'm doing and give it some more time? How long until I tell her "we need to talk"?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask Ashley replied 2 years ago.

Ask Ashley :

Welcome to JustAnswer, and thank you for choosing us to serve you. As a Relationship Expert, I will do my best to help you today.


 


The best advice I can give you is telling you what I would do if I were in your situation.


 

Ask Ashley :

What I would do is take 2 weeks to myself of NOT initiating any contact with her. Let her come to you. Entertain her conversation for 5 minutes, and then say that you would have to go. However, invite her to join you to hang out somewhere outside the house. Tell her you are going somewhere, and that she can join you if she'd like.

Ask Ashley :

If she declines, continue to not initiate contact with her for the rest of the two weeks.

Ask Ashley :

She may not contact you much, and you will find that at the end of the two weeks, you feel like a stronger person.

Ask Ashley :

You may realize that you no longer want this person in your life because she is dragging you down.

Ask Ashley :

This is what I have experienced, personally.

Customer:

That is more or less what I was thinking, but I have been lessening the communication a lot over a weeks time now and it has seemed to improve.. there are certain signs I pick up that she is telling me what she's doing when I don't ask.. that seem good

Ask Ashley :

If you do happen to still miss her at the end of the two weeks, so much that you believe you'd be happier with her in your life (at the levels she can invest) versus not having her in your life, I would be open and honest about your feelings with her and have a talk.

Ask Ashley :

However, it seems the issue still bothers you.

Ask Ashley :

At this point, I would have a talk with her.

Ask Ashley :

I would state how I felt about her, and what my expectations were.

Ask Ashley :

If she can't meet your expectations, you will find you are most likely better off without her. It is better than chasing after her and feeling unhappy.

Customer:

well it's more so me that was "messing up" and it's like she's giving me a second chance, but I'm not sure how much she really likes me now.. we went from amazing to barely seeming together.

Ask Ashley :

The only messing up you could have done might be to be imbalanced with how much she wants to invest in you.

Customer:

that's the problem. she has me guessing if it will get better.. the progress is really slow. I feel like there is progress, but how much time do I give her? two weeks you say? when should I expect things to start to feel better?

Customer:

and if they do not seem like they are getting better than "throw in the towel"

Ask Ashley :

Yes, two weeks is what I would personally do.

Ask Ashley :

Actually, you may actually take a month off before reevaluating the relationship. In that time, just keep to yourself and do your own thing. By the end of the month, you may find that you are a better person without her.

Ask Ashley :

Continued advancement on your part, at that point, would only push her away.

Customer:

hmm... like literally "take a break"?

Ask Ashley :

definitely. relationships are for complementing each other. you should not have to put up with someone, feeling unhappy.

Customer:

an official "break" or continue what I'm doing for two weeks to a month?

Ask Ashley :

How long have you been doing what you're doing?

Customer:

so first step would be give it another week.. then if no "progress" tell her that we need to talk? Last Friday was the last time we seemed really good.. and then I messed up by confronting her about why she wasn't replying with "I love you" and things like that.. that was bad. Monday she almost broke up with me, but didn't really seem like she wanted to at the same time..

Customer:

we talked on the phone.. I "patched" things up.. at the time, but since Saturday and especially Monday things have been quite different.

Customer:

on Valentines day we spent some time together and it was okay.

Customer:

since Valentines day is pretty much since I have been keeping my distance and what not

Ask Ashley :

If I were in your shoes, I would NOT initiate with her. I'd take time off for two weeks, telling her you're taking a break. You will have a lot more clarity after this time, as well as strength.

Ask Ashley :

After that, I would have a talk with her, and seehow she feels.

Ask Ashley :

If she does not want to have a relationship, you will find you are not as heartbroken.

Customer:

and if SHE texts or calls me? How about another week and then say to take a break? Is that fine?

Customer:

in your opinion

Ask Ashley :

I think I would go ahead and talk to her as soon as possible in terms of what's decent with her sleeping schedule and ask where she stands. If she doesn't have the amount of feelings you'd like, I'd take the break.

Customer:

see.. I was doing this and even if she didn't really text me most of the day at some point she would.. and ask me about my day and what not. is that a good sign?

Customer:

that sounds good. on phone or in person? set up a time to talk.

Ask Ashley :

In person, certainly.

Ask Ashley :

Yes, it's a good sign, but she isn't giving enough. You shouldn't have to suffer for it.

Ask Ashley :

This is all the advice I have. I hope I have helped you. If so, please kindly click Accept. Take care, and good luck.

Customer:

thank you. I was wondering how long I had :)

Ask Ashley, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience: Having built my reputation in this area of expertise, I have conducted workshops on relationships. Let's discuss your issues.
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